Wednesday, July 7, 2010

This is longer than Breaking Dawn: Eclipse Discussion part 1

WARNING: PLEASE BE 18+ FOR THIS POST. THANK YOU.

Oh hey everybody! It has been over a week since I had the pleasure, yes pleasure, of seeing Eclipse. I wanted to make sure that most of you had the chance to go and see the movie so we could discuss it to the point of crying. I don't know if this post is going to be one or two parts yet, because I don't exactly know how much I want to say. [A/N: THIS IS NOW TWO PARTS BECAUSE I AM ONE WORDY BITCH.]

I have been STEWing over this movie for a really long time. This is only our second time discussing a movie, and the last one was The Runaways, which unfortunately a lot of you haven’t had the chance to see. MAJORITY OF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS, multiple times.

proof of psychosis purchase


I’m ready to talk about it. I have seen this movie FOUR times. Before you go and think I'm psychotic, hear me out. I saw it the first time with 13 members of the KSIBTU Crew in NYC. Actually...I want to stop here for a moment. This fandom gets a lot of slack... a LOT. Sure there are people who are so obsessed with the stars that they should be locked up, but there are also people who truly just like to have fun. I had the pleasure of hanging out with 12+ amazing girls that I met through KSIBTU. Not everyone is a psycho. This fandom has a lot to offer, and many of you would agree. What I'm trying to say is... I love you all very much and I don't hate you because you like Twilight and I don't hate you because you hate Twilight. I love you because we all speak KStew, and if you speak KStew you are simply better... and I can now personally attest to the fact that KStew fans are the shit.

That's me on the left (omGAWD u saw my side face). I need to brush my hair. 
That beauty on the right smiling at you?
That's @Buff_82. After meeting her I never wanted to let her go. She is the shit. 

I digress, we saw it once (opening night) and then decided we all needed to see it again, so a day later we went again. When I returned home last Friday, my mother, aunt and cousin wanted me to go with them. I saw New Moon with them. They were my Twilight peeps before I found all of you guys. Enter viewing number three.

Then on Monday night I really wanted to make my life a living hell, so I dragged P and my brother to an IMAX viewing of Eclipse. Oh my word. They laughed the whole time [when they weren't asking questions like "Why does that blonde chick (Rosalie) have brown eyebrows the size of caterpillars?"] and were talking nonstop. At the end they told me they wanted to make a spoof called Lunar Eclipse. They also said they would use porcelain dolls for the vampires because they 'shatter like bitches'. They had a hard time in the movie because they just didn’t get it.

see, they could NOT wear this shirt.

Twilight is a very exclusive group. You cannot walk into a Twilight movie, having not read the books, and expect to follow along. AIN'T HAPPENING. So not only were the boys confused because they never read/saw New Moon (P saw Twilight with me because he loved me back then), but also because boys are JUST DUMB.  Perhaps that would deter some, but guess what? I didn't care. I read the fucking books. So, they were trying to annoy me during the movie and I didn't care. Know why? I used the fourth experience to take pages of notes. Why? Well why not!? And yes, P and my brother want to have me committed, I DON'T CARE.

I contemplated explaining the notes here, but I decided that if you wanted to see my ridiculous stream of consciousness as written down during the film you can just click HERE. In addition to that, before we begin, each and every one of you must understand my sentiments towards New Moon (aka Jacob Black) that can be revisited HERE. A lot of you already know them though and most of you agree. For me, there was no way to make a movie that was worse than New Moon--there just wasn't any possible way.

Guess what?

They didn't.

I thought Eclipse was the shit (second only to Twilight). Some were indifferent. I haven't really heard anyone that hates it. I did not. I DID NOT. I saw New Moon twice in my whole life. I've already seen Eclipse four times. Get the picture?

There were flaws, absolutely. There were plot line issues that made me want to rip out my hair, scenes that were excluded that made me actually go back to the book, lines that were thrown out at the most inopportune times, and moments of acting so cringe worthy that I could do nothing but laugh. But guess what? This movie didn't make me want to jump off a cliff Bella Swan style. It made me smile. It made me laugh. It made me sentimental. It made me happy that perhaps they had to get it wrong (New Moon) before they got it less-wrong--so maybe by BD they will have it right. Let's start from the top--literally--I'm going in chronological order this time. This will be long. This will be two parts. This will be F-U-N.

The movie opened with trickling water. In my opinion, this was Summit’s way of paying tribute to Rob on Ellen saying he couldn't use his windshield wipers. It's really the subtleties that make the movie. The opening scene made me realize just how scrum-diddly-umptious Xavier Samuels is. YUMYUM. In my notes I actually wrote 'Xavier=sex'. Accurate, in my opinion. I liked the music and the intensity. It set the tone that perhaps there won’t be frolicking scenes like this one:

YOU MISSED THIS. ADMIT IT. ADMIT IT.

Never.ever.let.you.forget.

Then it opens with THE meadow. What an improvement visually, no? It actually has flowers! Who would’ve thought? This is when you knew that it was going to be okay. The chemistry between KStew and MFH is fucking ridiculous. This was my BIGGEST issue with New Moon. They couldn’t coexist. Instead they grunted and groaned and attacked as I, the viewer, sank lower and lower in my seat hoping it would just end.

Not this time. Even those critics who hate the Saga will concede to the fact that Rob and Kristen destroy it as Edward and Bella--together. The tantalizing kisses all over her neck and face? OXYGEN. I want to read a book and have Edward pull my hair aside and kiss my neck. Then I want to playfully hop atop him. Then I want to reach down, undo his pants, and hump the living daylights out of his sparkly… member.

mmmmmmmmm



They are hot together, and the way Bella grabbed the hair on the back of his neck PROVES that they read fanfic.  I also loved her 'knocked up' comment because that's so freaking true.  Also noteworthy: when Bella gets up and walks away they totally just left the camera on her ass for a while. WELL DONE, DAVID.

It is no secret (three movies in) that Charlie is the ace in the hole. Hilarious. Amazing. His chemistry with Kristen is perfection. That could be her dad.

uh-maz-ing

Now we are to my first TRUE dislike of the movie. Remember when Bella decides she is going to go and see Jacob, but Edward fucked her car up so she couldn’t leave because he’s a control freak? That translated well in the movie, but they left one of my most favorite scenes out. In the book Bella is super pissed. She goes to storm away and Edward tells her to close the window if she doesn't want him to come in that night. She runs upstairs and slams the window shut, steps away for a few moments, walks up, and opens it as wide as it goes. That says something, but every time one of these characters is FINALLY about to feel something, they get cut off and it fades to another scene. That one little part would've made me so much happier. It was my favorite part in the entire book. It says something. It should be there.

Oh and did I mention this? IT WAS IN THE FUCKING SCRIPT. Come on people, know what's important to me, I mean seriously.

thank you, Jackson, for losing your script.

 As always, the humans provided great comedic relief and the general feeling of normalcy. Anna Kendrick is brilliant as Jess. I mean seriously what a win. Remember when Alice said she wanted to throw a party and said it would be fun and then Bella says, “that’s what you said last time”? My notes said, ‘is Bella on the rag?’ because I mean that was just not very nice.

Well we're not bitter or anything are we Bella?

Let's skip ahead to Florida. Something I always disliked about the books was that I didn't feel as if Renee gave a shit about Bella. It's why she's always so distant in every fic or why she's always killed off. She just wasn't there. It seemed as if she simply picked Phil and Bella banished herself to Forks because her mom couldn’t handle having a husband and a daughter. In this movie I actually had feelings for Renee. When she gives Bella the blanket and talks about adding to it with her kids? Please. If you didn't feel anything in that moment then you are a robot. Then she hugs her and says I miss you? Slay me. In this movie, Renee loves her daughter and her daughter loves her. Well done, Melissa, well done.

sad. cute. heartwarming. perfection.

In this section I also made note to say 'sunglasses = ew'. Yeah, those were not very Kristen Bella. She disliked them so much that the moment they touched her face... she took them off.

Next. Every shot where the Cullens are in the woods warranted laughs. Laughs laughs laughs. Why do they incessantly stand in a V shape? Are they birds? Stop it. STOP IT.

Carlisle: Stop! We have to remain in V formation!

Now let’s fast forward to the parking lot. Enter Jacob scene. Did the crowd go wild when he got on screen? EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MINE DID. Where the fuck did all of this Team Jacob come from!? Yipes. Anyhow, here's what my notes said in reference to that "Fuck you Jacob and your stupid hair" and then I wrote a couple more things and then "why is his hair wet?"

I believe that IS the question. Why Is his hair wet?! Wasn't he wearing a helmet? So why is it wet? I NEED TO KNOW. I dislike Bella getting on the back of the bike while Edward was right there. That was sad and made me want to sock her in the face. As for Jacob's smug look, well that was due to his proximity to her eggs--not her breasts pressed up against his back. (No, no, I’m not bitter.)

I liked the scene at Emily's. Julia Jones is beautiful and played Leah amazingly. She played bitch very, very well. You could totally tell she wanted Bella to eat shit and die. She’s the Rosalie of the wolves. That being said, I have another question.  Why don't any of the other wolves have to be fit? Don't eat a damn chicken wing, do some crunches, jeebus!
uhmmmmm

 Now let's discuss the imprinting scene. Isn't it so very convenient how it was glossed over? They romanticized it. How ironic considering it is soon to be applied to A BABY. I hope that when Jacob sees Renesmee they flash back to him talking about looking at a girl and just knowing. Jacob you are one sick fuck.

J: It's totes normal. Don't make a big deal out of this.
B: Dude, a fuckin' kid? That's messed UP!.. better her than me!
Universe: ...that's what you think, Bella....

 So now we are to my second real problem with the movie. Although I liked the pacing, it often times seemed as if things were thrown out because there was no other place to put them. The first example of this is when Bella tells Jacob she will be vamped out after graduation, and the second is when Jacob tells Bella that he could've been alpha male. I understand that movies are under time constraints, but it was SO out of the blue.

B- "you're still you."

J- "And you're still you."

B- "until Graduation when Edward will bite my neck finally."

*cue breakdown*

and I sat there going… the fuck!? Bella… THAT WAS TOTALLY UNPROVOKED! What gives?! The moment was so outlandish in that confession that it almost overshadowed Taylor Lautner's shiteous breakdown… ALMOST.

pre-wrench throwing.

My theaters actually laughed folks... LAUGHED. That was not supposed to be a laughable situation.  It was too much. It just… it was so unbelievable. The laughing stopped when he told Bella he would prefer she was dead. My notes, 'Hey Jacob? FUCK YOU'. Well said, TheaterCC.

My next note said 'Riley can sniff my clothes anytime'… so yeah… I liked Xavier.

Then the stories around the campfire came. I skipped the stories in the book and I skipped them in the movie. Pee break 3 out of 4 times. It was nice, but was it a blame Bella session? At the end they were all totes ragging on her for wanting to bone a cold one. You know what I wanted to do in that scene? Throw BACK a cold one, but AMC doesn't serve beer… yet. Actually we were throwing back voddies like champs opening night.

Billy: You see Bella, THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT.
Bella: But like, I flove the vamps!
Jacob: *poker face* *i will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry*...

Now I must go back to Charlie, but this time it will be endearing. I truthfully appreciate that Eclipse attempts to demonstrate what Bella would be giving up as a human. If you try to dumb down this supernatural theme into a real life situation, you may make the connection to the time-honored Sophie's choice of pick the boy vs. pick your family. I will choose my family forever and always. The issue is that we are so rapped up in Robert Pattinson's jaw/fingers that we forget that Bella is sacrificing… uh… everything? Yes, everything. So that moment where her father tells her that he would never stop looking for her makes my heart ache a little. Thankfully we all read BD. #TeamCharlie

Then Jacob kisses Bella after a long, rambling speech. He says how Edward can't even kiss Bella without wanting to kill her... SOMEONE WAS WATCHING NEW MOON BEFORE HE TOOK BELLA OUT TO THAT SECLUDED AREA! He goes in for the kill, and she punches him. I wasn't one for the SOUND of the punch, but damn gf you throw that right hook! We all know the best part of this scene though....

"Well let me give you a hint..."

ANGRYWARD FTW! I like it. It's hot. It's possessive. It's book Edward. Instead of Charlie rectifying the situation, they should've thrown down. Why don't we ever get a REAL fight out of them? Wouldn't that be kind of hot? Also, Bella only sprained her hand so she didn't have the cast the rest of the time. Hopefully that was for Kristen's sake considering she's going to have an alien baby for the next 6 months of filming Breaking Dawn. It was their way of letting something slide. Also, is Tay on a box?

I suppose this is where I will end my discussion of Eclipse part one. If I put part two in? Well that would just be TOO MUCH for conversation.... and we have LOTS to talk about.

what do you say we loosen that grip there, buddy boy.


Did you see Bella punch Jacob in the face? It's what we all want to do, but we didn't get the chance. Why? Because KStew is better than you.

[If some of you are Team Jacob just relax. I mayyy concede a bit in part 2. Serio. Also, big ups to @Buff_82 and @Just2cusmile for reading this before I posted it. It was over 10 pages, single spaced, of my mindless ramblings. We are only 5 pages in. Most of the good stuff is yet to come... starting with Rosalie Hale. I will post pt.2 on Friday so that all of our international readers have a chance to respondNOW: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE MOVIE UP TO THIS POINT?! I'm going to try to interact with you in the responses, so let's keep it friendly and funny… cause… it's Twilight. Love you guys more than I love Xavier sniffing my clothes.]

42 comments:

  1. There HAS to be a part 2...leg hitch/proposal, YES PLEASE!

    I kept clicking on your blog this weekend in a panic to see when you were gonna post about Eclipse. lol.

    I've seen Eclipse 3 times, so don't worry. The 3rd time I went by myself and two middle-aged women were sitting right behind me. I'm pretty sure that during the garage scene with B/J, she called Bella an idiot...oh no, this is not gonna fly. She about got the bitchface! The same lady also thought it was perfectly okay to add her own little commentary throughout the whole movie. Because I'm pretty sure everytime Jacob came on screen, she had an orgasm. The sounds she totes almost made me throw-up a little.

    I'm with you...I totally do not understand Team Jacob. Do ppl not read the books??? HE LOSES!!!!!!!! I saw a shirt on CafePress (or whatever it is) that I'm buying the SHIT out of. It says, "Dear Jacob, I WIN, sincerely, Edward." bahahahaha!!!!!!! I need to own that shirt.

    I about passed out within the first 5 minutes of the movie. 1st meadow scene-YES, YES, YES! Teasing, playfull E/B for the WIN! When Bella turns toward Edward right before she grabs his hair to kiss him...I need someone to screencap E's face in that moment because it's perfection!

    Xavier Samuel-OMG, YES! U are HOT!

    Alex Merez (Paul) is about the only wolfpack member worth looking at. How come only him and Taylor had to workout? You could see jiggiling when the ran down the stairs...ew #WorkoutFail

    #Angryward in the Edward/Jacob confrontation scene if SFH! I love how he growls out "Wait for her to say the words."

    That's about all I can think of for now. Can't wait for your next post!!!

    P.S. I flove that you took notes. That thought actually crossed my mind when I went to see it by myself.

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  2. @JWink22

    glad we are in agreement. Sorry about your Team Jacob debacle. As previously mentioned, I got a glimpse into feeling bad for him when he was broken in the bed. That was kind of sad. It was so solidified that he lost. Then I came to my senses. Power to you for going yourself. I would've preferred that as opposed to bringing my brother and boyfriend--whose combined age is over 40 and yet they both acted 2. Lesson learned? Yes.

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  3. "Stop! We must remain in the V formation!" and Jacob's smug look was "due to his proximity to her eggs--not her breasts pressed up against his back." Bahahaha!
    I have so many favorite lines from this posting, but rather than reiterate them all here I just want to say, I FLOVE you, baby girl. I'm linking everyone over here to YOUR Eclipse review because really? It's the only one that is truthful and the only review anyone would ever need. EVAH. You basically crawled into my head and highlighted all my loves and dislikes about the film--um the best part in the book IS when she gets angry with Edward for messing with her car, why the fuck isn't it in the movie?! And of course, I am abso #TEAMCHARLIE FTMFW. Preach on, sista. PREACH THE FUCK ON.

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  4. @KJ
    aww KJ. You are the nicest. Glad you enjoyed some of it. I love Twilight. I love to pick on Twilight, but when it comes down to it--it's great. It really is. Am hearing a lot about people wanting that window scene to be there. LAMENESS. perhaps deleted scene? they can make it up to me that way. can't wait for YOUR stuff KJ. As always, love you lots.

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  5. Everybody was laughing in Eclipse when I saw it. I was like WTF man?

    I loved it either way. I think it's the best one so far.

    Love you, CC!

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  6. Oh my God... I am LMAO here reading this! Best Eclipse review ever. Seriously! Next time I go see it, I will think of you and your wit. I can't wait to read Part 2!
    For me, Eclipse was so much better than New Moon - in all aspects. Perhaps mostly because I simply cannot stomach Jacob. Couldn't in the book, will NEVER in the movies. Nothing against Taylor. Cute kid, but he tends to overact, and has no chemistry with Kristen. But really, who can blame him when he has to be compared to the chemistry she has with Rob?? That right there is what makes these movies... Kristen and Rob's insane sexual chemistry. I actually felt like I was intruding in the first meadow scene. It was so intimate, so playful, and so natural. Loved it!
    And I also loved the scene between Bella and Renee. It was so heartfelt. But like always, Charlie steals his scenes! He's magnificent in all the movies. It will be a treat to see him in BD.
    Oh, and last but not least, even though Melissa and Co. love to cut out Edward and Bella's scenes, or chop them in very cruel ways, Rob and Kristen did the absolute best with what they were given. And Rob was so much better this time around! Definitely an improvement from the sulking, boring vamp from NM. I still wanted to see that final meadow scene where Edward tells Bella he wants her... That would've been awesome! But... I guess I'm content with what we got.

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  7. @Cata
    I am with you. I like Taylor, it just sucks he has to play a character that I want to knock out so much. R/K do ruin it for the rest of the chemistry, but thus is life. I'd rather it be them then J/B! If it was... perhaps I'd be team Jacob? I've never thought about that before. I think Rob was so much better. He didn't have to be so tortured in this movie, it was so much more normal. Hats off to all of them!!! <3

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  8. Sigh. Agree, agree, agree.

    ESPECIALLY about the window bit - said the exact same thing. The smallest details can say so much, and omitting Edward's line there and the window action was unfortunate. I would have liked E's line just to show that did, in fact, acknowledge that he was being an ass en route to eventually giving up being said ass later in the story.

    But that's been my biggest gripe with the movie adaptations so far. I like them SO much overall - Kristen makes Movie Bella 100000x more likeable than Book Bella and the movie human crew is hilarious. But I think they've neglected the development of Edward and Bella's relationship.

    Kristen and Rob obviously do an amazing job, with INSANE chemistry (and despite fairly weak scripts), but I just wish the movies spent a bit more time SHOWING the process of falling in love and then just being in love ... rather than it just sort of being assumed.

    Eclipse DEFINITELY improved that, but Jacob was just all up in it, so maybe that watered down the E/B goodness for me. Though it was good. Mmmmmm.

    As for the wolf pack, if we have to look at jorts or anything jort-like, we deserve to be looking at sick abs and pecs while doing it. I have a feeling that Julia's abs would have put them all to shame.

    And finally, I think you'll enjoy this - I have a TwiGuy in my life (unicorn!), and he is a savvy straight man who lusts for Kristen. He gets IT. And listens to my babbling when I talk about IT.

    We were re-watching Twilight and New Moon before going to Eclipse (his idea), and at one point, when Charlie came on screen, I sort of awkwardly moaned "DIIIIIIIIIIIIILF." And my guy had NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. I told him it was highly appropriate that Billy Burke's version of Charlie Swan was his introduction to the concept. Because he personifies DILFness, and there is no. way. in. hell. that man would be single. Team Charlie.

    Thanks as always for writing - can't wait for Part 2! :)

    @MyCleverAlias

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  9. FUCK YES BABE!!!!
    those critics have nothing on you ...
    thank God I didn't get a team Jacob full cinema to start squeeing when he appeared.. Thank God!!
    the missing scenes .. you are so right .. I LOVED THE WINDOW BIT IN THE BOOK>> LOVED IT!! so I'm quite pissed that didn't get in and Bella getting on that motorcycle with Jacob in front of the whole school leaving Edward there .. before classes .. Puh-lease that is sooo not book Bella !
    Can't wait for part two .. has my favorite scenes in there ..

    ps: I loved the Jessica speech! surpizingly

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  10. Fabulous post, CC! I agree with everything you've said. Charlie steal every scene. Even him saying "super" on the steps of the Police station is perfection! Wolfboys are grodie. The belly jiggle was ridonk b/c the kid was cast, like, WAY before this filmed and he totally could have done something about that. For realio. Can't wait to read your take on the 2nd half of the movie...!!
    Loves, DD xo

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  11. @DeeDreamer
    Good point on the super line! That was hilarious. His blatant disdain for Edward the whole "it's still just the two of us... right?" is so perfect. that is like 99% of dads in the world unwilling to let their little girl go.

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  12. @mycleveralias
    gf you have been with me long enough to know my sentiments exactly. Am DYING over your twiguy! What a unicorn indeed. I want a twiguy! And he seems rather cool as well. Possibly my new favorite line ever? "told him it was highly appropriate that Billy Burke's version of Charlie Swan was his introduction to the concept. Because he personifies DILFness, and there is no. way. in. hell. that man would be single. Team Charlie." serio, team charlieeeee.

    Julias abs are probs way better than the rest of those young boys. Her bitchface was better as well. Obvs she's been taking notes from Kristen.

    <3

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  13. @ladymystyque

    I am totally with you girlfriend. you are quite lucky for having a Team Edward theater. I would like one of those. That being said, my last viewing was rather late so there weren't too many. and we got many aw's at the proposal scene, so I suppose that is good.

    ...cant wait to hear about YOUR favo scenes.... ;)

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  14. I agree with every single fucking line you wrote.
    I watched the movie and read the script. While i was reading i couldn´t stop saying: wtf?!
    They made Failcob a hero? wtf?!
    Anyways, as usual, another amazing post.

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  15. CC - great post once again! So many good things about Eclipse, like the meadow shot of KStew's ass & RP watching her hips twitch as she walked away. Also loved the lack of makeup on her in this movie... freckles!!! So gorgeous.

    I agree with the wolfpack & their bellies. Looks like they need a strict diet of beef patties, no carbs and thousands of situps.

    Is Charlie not fantastic in this series??? He nails every scene he does. Look forward to part 2!

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  16. CC - love your blog and think you're fucking brilliant. You never fail to make me laugh out loud with your observations!

    Have only seen Eclipse once so far, but you're spot on with Part 1 of this missive. I'm hoping for a LOT of moments in the dvd extras... so much seemed so... um... collapsed? Some of the dialogue I absolutely NEEDED to hear wasn't there, including Edward's line in the last meadow scene... which I'm positive you'll talk about on Friday.

    The scene with Bella and her mom actually made me tear up, and I never effing cry. Charlie stole every scene he was in. Love him (and my new fav word from this board: DILF). Loved the HOT, HOT, HOT chemistry between Edward and Bella, though I felt a bit pervy being there with them.

    Overall though: Loved the movie. Will see it again, and again, and again...

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  17. @Poli
    lol love that you said Failcob. I have Jacob issues, plain and simple. It's unfortunate that from time to time I project that onto TLaut. He doesn't deserve my contempt, that being said--Jacob sure as hell does.

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  18. @BarberGirls
    HAHAHAH love the beef patties suggestion. Perhaps Taylor should explain to them what his dedication to the series was, and they they should follow suit? I think it's a great idea. Perhaps I can write on of them a letter?

    Totally didn't even think about the freckles. COULD COUNT THEM IN IMAX. so naturally beautiful.

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  19. @heathers

    aw thanks bb! I am so with you on missing lines... and the meadow... ohhh the ending meadow. Let's just say I had a fail moment on that, that you all will hear about--but that being said--WHERE WAS EDWARD'S CHANCE TO TAKE HER VIRTUE!? injustices. Instead Bella is the floozy who goes around opening shop for everyoneeee. lol ;)

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  20. I hope to have my 3rd viewing of the movie soon...won't be the same without the KSIBTU ladies!!!

    When I wasn't grabbing your arm during the f-ing awesome meadow & leg hitch parts, the scenes with Charlie & Renee were killing me. I teared up when Renee gave her the blanket. You really start to feel what she'll be giving up by becoming a vamp and what a huge weight that is on her. And as a result, you realize how much she must love Edward if she is willing to give all that up.

    Can't wait for part 2!! xo

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  21. I have been waiting forever for you to finally post this review! which means you better post part 2!

    I think the scene with her mom was absolutely necessary to show that she had to realize everything she was giving up, that was just a heartbreaking scene.
    The one part that was completely missing from the movie was Edward finally saying he was ok with her seeing Jacob in LaPush as long as they did their little trade of at the boundary line. Instead, it was just like all of the sudden he was ok with her seeing him?!?!

    I loved this post, and cannot wait to hear moreeeee :)

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  22. @Michelle
    I love you. I'm so glad you let me hold your hand the whole time. I totally wrote about how I held onto you for life during the kiss. HA! Can't wait for you to seeeee.

    Anyhow, it wasn't the same viewing without you, but we have WTTR in October and you couldn't shake me if you TRIED.

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  23. @Samantha_Ava

    hahah I promise post2 will come on friday. It was weird how Edward just sort of handed her over... it was just like... too cordial. They freaking HATED each other, which is why the tent scene was supposed to be so epic, ya know? I suppose there was only so much they could fit in, but it changed the tone of their relationship a bit. <3

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  24. I absolutely love you! Your blog cracks me up! I'll never understand "Team Jacob" either. It's like wait a minute, you spent an entire book on Edward, how do you just switch? Seriously nothing pisses me off more than Jacob Black.

    At the midnight showing of Eclipse when he got taken down by that newborn I clapped. My friend got mad at me and said, "SHUT UP".

    I agree with you, I feel that lots of people just love Taylor. Specifically the people who have not read the books. I work in retail and I had this girl come in and say that she doesn't like Edward because she doesn't like British or hairy dudes. I said to her, "Edward is neither of those things. Just because the actor happens to be British and hairy, doesn't mean the character is" I then asked her if she read the books, and she told me no. I said, go read the books. I bet you, you won't love Jacob as much as you think you do. She then said that Taylor Lautner is still hott. I'm like, I never said he wasn't. I still don't like Jacob.

    How did you like the movie in IMAX? Are we gonna hear more about your NYC adventure? :-)

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  25. K...u got me laughing on this one so much.and sooooooo true in everything u had said..can't wait for the second part..ahh..could there be a third too..???..lol..love ur review in the movie..is like ur seen through my eyes..too funny..love the V comment..hillarious..and yes..love the window..part in the book myself..ohh the meadow..scenes...breath taking..R/E-K/B moment..in deed..love that part..it gave the chills while i was watching ..with a big grin smile..ohh xavier..riley..excellent..he did amazing..well i guess we all have to wait till friday..lolz..love u much..take care ok..see ya round..Gob bless u girl..:0)

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  26. @sana

    it's hard not to link the people and the characters. It's virtually impossible, actually--just as Kristen says you project yourself on Bella. it's why we all think we have the answers. Loved the movie in IMAX, although I'm not certain it warrants 6 more dollars. It's just bigger. As for NYC? That's about as much as people will hear lol. I don't think pitchers of vodka, russians, lost cell phones, twitter people, and big macs need to be brought up over here :X bahahah. <3

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  27. I love this post. But then again I always love your posts.

    Here's my take:
    Xavier Samuel can totally act. I even thought for a moment that he could be a better Edward. Not that he's hotter than Rob. It's just that I think he's a much better actor. Sorry CC, I love Rob. It's just that I always thought he's lacking as Edward and his straight teeth distracts me so much.

    The meadow scene was perfect. It's probably my favorite part of the movie. R/K chemistry was so palpable. I hope BD delivers lots of those E/B scenes.

    I love all Bella and Charlie scenes especially The Talk scene.

    ITA about the "window thing". I wish they put that in the movie.

    Sarah Clarke and Kristen have good chemistry on screen. Renee's line about grandkids made me sad. Their scene together reminded me when I first read Eclipse. I was about half way of the book, I kept wishing that Edward would turn back into human and that Bella remains human. Your right about the sunglasses thing. It was so not Bella. I guess it didn't bother me so much because the person behind me in the movie theater, loudly exclaimed that Kristen is so beautiful when she put on those glasses.

    I don't like the J/B scenes. I'm not sure why I guess Taylor isn't so believable uttering his lines. It made me realize why I love our KStew so much. Even though some of her lines are cheesy, she makes them plausible. I also wish that they should have added Quil's imprint as foreshadowing for BD, so that it wouldn't be so cringeworthy or shocking when BD movie comes.

    That's all I can think of for now.

    April

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  28. YOU ARE EFFING HILARIOUS! I am studying for the bar and its been horrendous but your blog is my escape. Thanks so much for the hilarity!

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  29. Hey, CC!! Still haven't seen the movie... is that a win for me?

    Also, your future husband... saw him again today. Saw him yesterday. Saw his super fine stand-in too. Since you're friends with Dean, get the stand-in's name and number for me. More on that, my dear, if you want to email me questions.

    Looking forward to pt. 2,

    L

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  30. @April

    I think we are in agreement with everything. Love that someone screamed that Kristen was pretty. It's hard to get a Team Kristen theater. Perhaps I can rent one out for Eclipse? That would be perfection. Totally love what you said about KStew making the lines plausible. I'm addressing that on Friday, but you are so freaking right. <3

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  31. @Sammie

    BEST OF LUCK TO YOU GF! Can you represent me if I need it? Perhaps.... seriously I know the horrors of school. Wishing you the best of luck and I hope I can make you chuckle a little every now and then.

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  32. @L

    I AM EMAILING YOUR ASS LIKE ASAP. Much love <3

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  33. I've seen it three times, midnight opening at Imax (embarrassingly enough I was interviewed by my local news about it on a smoke break and my mom informed me my boobs and I love Eddie T was the only thing to make it to TV, ha Paris eat your heart out, jk)Anywho loved it. This love triangle business is worse than the music they loop at graduation ceremonies. Melissa Rosenberg how can she write for Dexter and still manage to somehow get the splatters intermittently through this story, someone get the lady some mylanta. My priceless moment was the Emmett and Alice creppy klepto costuming, I nearly knocked over bag out of the box of wine from that one. Can't wait for the rest of your review!

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  34. no part 2 till Friday??????? *sad face* well, back to ogling this gif... http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/8766/126289116.gif pls don't judge me!!!!

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  35. this post is so good, I had to read it twice.
    Unfortunately my theatre was Team Jacob. I was like "what's wrong with these people??" the girls were screaming.. anyways I totally agree with everyhing you said. I LOVED CHARLIE IN EVERY SINGLE SCENE. The virginity talk?? omg. perfect. i also liked anna kendrick, she's a scene stealer.
    i have to admit that some moments in the movie were so lame.. i was dying and wanted it to end asap: the cullens with their uniform etc...
    I can't wait for part 2!!! you kept us waiting with this post.

    love you.

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  36. OMG! Your review is just freaking awesome!!! True in (almost) every point. I laughed my ass off and I enjoyed reading it almost as much as watching the movie. :)))
    Can't wait to read part 2.

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  37. I am a regular reader of your blog, but have never commented... until now. I just had to tell you I LITERALLY spit soda through my nose when I read the bird/V-shape commentary of the Cullens fighting pose. (I thought they looked like action figures, but you hit the nail on the head with the Bird comment...) You should really post some kind of warning to cease drinking carbonated beverages (or perhaps all beverages) while reading. :)
    I agree with you on almost all points thus far. I really missed some of the E/B "disagreements" from the beginning of the book- it takes them like 10 chapters or something to come to a "compromise" which seemed to just *happen* in the movie with little to no disagreement. I understand that in the movie we can't have it all, but posessive Edward is always a WIN, yes?
    Lastly, what did you think about Slade's camera style? I swear I could come up with a freckle count on KStew's face after seeing it in IMAX...

    Looking forward to part 2!

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  38. Yes, finally a comment on Slade's camera style - I don't like it - at all.

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  39. Loved the opening scene with Riley. It was suspenseful and scary. I had great hopes.

    Some of the other scenes were great, some ok. All would have benefitted from pulling the camera back. When you have such tight shots I think you lose the perspective of the scene.

    I'm not sure that the guy directors are getting the emotion of the books. They may be going for the look of the film (NM-rich, E-dark,violent) and not getting the heart.

    In looking back, I think Twilight is the best film of the three. The last two movies, I think, are sometimes missing the ebb and flow of Bella's emotions. Sometimes it is the small movements that inform: shutting, opening the window-that is key.

    Charlie, great as always. His scenes too were filmed too tightly.

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  40. I knew this post was going to be epic and you did not disapoint lovely!!! Now here I go scrolling back and forth top to bottom to make sure I cover everything.

    Riley IS fuckhawt. Both instances that I went to see Eclipse, I had friends with me who werent very familiar with the movies. The second after he appeared on screen, they were grabbing my arm. GORGEOUS.

    That opening meadow scene? I couldnt even hold my popcorn. Which I had just began eating after the trailers were over ( I wait until the movie starts to devour) Well - it was tucked on the floor in no time. No way I could concentrate on putting popcorn in my mouth when those two were being all sexy on screen.

    Charlie - what can I say about Charlie. I love him. I have always loved him. But when he stood up clapping for Bella at graduation, oh so proud, I actually starting sobbing. Don't ask me why. AND I also choked up when Renee gave Bella the quilt. The parentals were majorly tugging at the heart strings in this movie.

    Agreed - the rest of the wolf pack needs to get their hands on 7 minutes abs video.

    Both times I went to the movie - I would say three quarters of the theatre were Team Jacob. I know this because someone shouted "Who's Team Edward?" to which, a small cry of people cheered. The entire freakin theatre screamed for "Who's Team Jacob." Do.Not.Understand.

    I also skipped through the Quileute tribal counctil whatever the hell it was scene in the book and I yawned through the whole thing in the movie. For future reference, it will be my pee break should the need arise.

    Can't wait to go read Part Two!

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  41. Dude. This was hil-larious. I just had the ab workout that the wolf pack needs. This needs to be published! I bet my ass that Kristen would be dropping F bombs laughing at your commentary.

    Please keep 'em coming.

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  42. OK, I had to come back and re-read this. Who else caught the sweetest moment during the first meadow scene: After B atops E and delivers the great "knocked up" line, she kisses him then gently swipes his mouth /face with her hand. Loves it! So cute and affectionate. Surely my twi-blue balls imagine that is what she does to Rob everyday. No one can argue their natural improvisation. They fuckin rock it upside down as a couple. *fist pump*

    Charlie-mad mad love for him. Billy Burke is the king. Every B/C scene shows that K and B are by far the best actors in the series.

    I'm late on your bad ass blog which I have mad love for. I need some definitions. What the hell does UNF and FTW stand for?!?

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