This is more climactic than the end of BD: Eclipse Discussion P2

Welcome back for part 2 of this fuckery! I loved all of your comments on the last post. I responded to pretty much every single one of you. Let’s continue doing that because some of the things you guys said made me double over in laughter. When last we spoke, we left off after Edward and Jacob have the most anticlimactic brawl over Jacob kissing Bella against her will.

The next scene was Rosalie. I really think Nikki Reed did a good job. I think her wig was infinitely less fucked up than last time. I also think that her back-story was great.  I loved the vindictive bitch in her that wanted to avenge her death and lay down the hurt on the fiancé that raped her and left her for dead--amazing. I also loved that she was finally honest. 

Nikki Rosalie: I envy you Bella.

It's a bit odd that they didn't mention that she was pissed that Edward didn't lust after her. But then again, this movie is only targeted at those who read, so I guess it doesn't really matter in retrospect since we all knew the back-story. Bottom line is I sincerely enjoyed it, and I think Nikki did a really good job. [please send hate mail somewhere else. thank you.]

I went to prom with my class Valedictorian. He was my bff. His smartness

did not project onto me.

Graduation happens and Anna gives a speech. I loved it. HOW TRUE  was it? Everyone wants you to do stuff after high school and it's like woah, fall back, let me live a little!  Also, when Charlie stood up and started clapping? Ugh. Please. This is why I'm #TeamCharlie

NOW. Let's briefly talk about the party. I am not a Muse fan. Are we still friends? I hope so. I never fancied them… perhaps because Stephanie thanked them in her books… I have issues. Anyhow, I really did like Neutron Star Collision. Perhaps because it had a very Killers-esque sound. So…WTF?! THAT IS WHERE YOU PUT THE SONG?! A brief snippet at the graduation party!? It should've been at the end of the movie where Edward and Jacob just duke it out for Bella's love and the one who lives gets to marry her. That way there is a climax to the story, death, andddd the song gets proper recognition. No cigar. That being said, I still want to attend that party. It looked bitchin’. Can Alice be my RL friend? I would adore that. 

REAL movie complaint number 3: Bella wasn't even pissed Jake showed up. In the book she was a tad more annoyed. In the movie? She smiled. UHMMMMMM….right…. 

Something I wrote that made me chuckle was I noted how willing Edward was to let Jacob fight. Bella was up in arms; she 'loves' Jacob and doesn't want him to get hurt. But Edward? No. Why? Well he is so OBVIOUSLY hoping that Jacob is that 'life lost' that Carlisle was mentioning. DUH! #SneakyEdward #StupidLamb #KillJacob

V.FORMATION. do u believe me yet?

So then the fight training happens. Lots of people have shit all over this scene. I actually liked it. I like when you can put a visual to a part of the book that you always wanted to see. Perhaps Mr. Pattinson's sweatpants could've been a bit better… okay a lot better… but I mean--did You SEE New Moon? Did you SEE that suit? Yeah, I'll take sweatpants that have scrunchie bottoms and/or are tucked in.

adore.

Regardless, It was so very clear that Alice and Jasper were the best part of that. How fucking cute. HOW.CUTE. 

I must say though, when Jacob Wolf walked up next to Bella, P turned to me and said, "Jesus christmas CC, what is she standing next to? A fucking bus!?" For a non-reader, the wolves are ridonk. Oh wait! For a reader they are ridonk… but the best thing about it all? There is always room/time/money for improvement. 

I liked the training and I LOVED Jasper backstory. Jackson as a southern gentlemen? Too.good. Did you SEE when he spoke out of the corner of his mouth? Swoon… and I’m no Team Jasper/Jackson. Never has tickled my fancy before, but I got a glimmer into the appeal of it all. He stole the entire training scene, easily. 

Remember when I mentioned how I did not like how Bella just threw out her post-graduation-vamp-plan out of nowhere? Enter scenario two where Jacob, while holding Bella, just says "Oh well I passed up alpha male. I was supposed to be chief… so there's THAT." I'm not a book purist, but it just seemed so… out of place? I don't know. Those were Edward's beans to spill, in my opinion. It was just so weird and nonchalant, but that was my last issue with randomly dropping lines. 

i laugh just looking at this.

Arguably one of the best scenes in the movie is the sex talk. One dislike about this? In the beginning of this scene Charlie says he likes "the sister" and Bella says "Alice". UH… Alice is her best friend. Charlie, you should know her name. The failed development of A/B is kind of a bust… but there just wasn't time. 

Anyhow, no one cared because Charlie and Bella are cinematic brilliance. I never had the talk with my dad… in fact… I never had the talk with my mom. I never really needed a talk because I was a whore. NOT! I just knew what was up, as I suspect many of you did as well.

I feel like Kristen brought a bit of herself to that scene specifically, and it was so funny. SO. FUNNY. When Bella said that Edward is "old fashioned" and Charlie said “is that code for…” I wrote ‘well that's code for A PUSSY’. Glad we clarified that.

Now it's time for the proposal scene. In homage to Twilight, the first thing Bella says when entering the room is "there's a bed." I would be lying if I didn't tell you that as she said that, P said "bow-chicka-bow-ow"… oh P… how naive.  

i suppose the look of disgust on his face says it all.

Enter leg hitch.

A lot of you died in this scene. It was good. It wasn't GREAT, but for Twilight it was good. For me, the camera was just a little jumpy once they actually started getting into it. JUST STAY STILL FOR TWO SECONDS AND LET ME WATCH HER GO AFTTER HIS VIRTUE! I told this to someone and they said, "psh! who cares? she got those buttons undone in the blink of an eye." WELL SAID. Bella knows what's up. When Edward rejected her, P turned to me and said "they don't bone!?" I nodded no. He turned to my brother and said, "They don't fucking bone. Fuck this movie." Once again, welcome to Twilight.

I want to skip all of Edward's proposal words because they non-importantly are greatly overshadowed by the leap. THE.LEAP. You girls know what I'm talking about. THE LEAP! She says yes to that offensive ring (P was in SHOCK over it) and leaps off of the bed into his arms. 

I read somewhere that people were pissed they didn't hop on the good foot and do the bad thing after she said yes. Uh… I mean I've never been proposed to (thank baby Jesus that your sanctity of marriage is still, in fact, holy), but I'm pretty sure that fucking is not the first thing you do once someone finally puts a ring on it. Am I wrong? I don’t think I am. So suck it, haters. The leap was everything I ever wanted. It was the biggest aw moment. It was happiness. It was so fucking normal and it was such a relief.

Fast forward to tent scene. It was funny. It was good. It lived up to expectations. I thought Taylor did a good job. I laughed my ass off when he said they couldn't be friends. I thought Rob did a really good job as well. They got on very well in that scene and I was really glad because it was really important to a lot of you. What did irk me? The transition from the tent scene to the snow. HOLY EYEBALLS, I didn't need to see anyway! 

oh well that's the look of a confident girl if i've ever seen one!

Fast-forward through hyphenating last names and we arrive at the J/B kiss. It was long. Can I tell you my personal experience with the Culmination of Lies? The first time I was shocked at its length--and the issue is that…it's a good kiss. HATE ME ALL YOU WANT TEAM EDWARD, BUT NO ONE HATES JACOB MORE THAN I DO. Admit it: out of context, it was a good kiss, but perhaps a bit lengthy. It was the longest kiss in the history of the Saga times ten. It was so long that I was squeezing the hands of the girls next to me saying WHEN WILL IT END. 20 seconds in I released their hands and pulled my hair out. Ask any of them—this is a true story. People were squirming in their seats. Why did no one who saw the movie early mention that it was thirty seconds long? GROSS. OVERSIGHT.

The second time I was on my a-game. I grabbed @BellasMommy86 phone and made @Theurbanwhisk time it… bc there’s an app for that! I didn't believe the time we got so I did it again. 

threw up a lil in my mouth

Yeah, no, it was long. It was full of lies… but it wasn't that bad. Seriously. And what kind of girl would Bella be if the only guy she ever kissed was the guy she married. SEE? THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IN A CHASTITY BELT BOOK! 

What was a bit annoying is that Edward totes didn't care. CARE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CARE! This whole scenario really pisses me off. Bella just gives it out. Jacob is selfish and a coward. Edward doesn't care. None of it makes any logical sense, but attempting logic could cause a headache. Did the movie do a good job of showing that Jacob was being a whiny bitch and that Bella kissed him so he didn't go and try to kill himself? I seriously still can’t tell. To the untrained eye, it’s hard to tell that Jacob was mindfucking Bella. It’s okay, my eyes are trained and I have a knack for spotting lies. Non-issue. So bask in it, Team Jacob, because your spot is about to be blown up.

albino salamanders. 

Enter battle scene. I dug it. Loved when the wolves just jumped out. Clapped a little. But let's head back to the mountain. Some like Bryce as Victoria, some don't. I'm most likely in the not-the-biggest-fan-but-don't-hate pile. I wasn't attached to Rachelle. What happened to Rachelle was not Bryce's fault, but I don't think she was AS menacing. On a RL note, I think Bryce is the shit. I think she is beautiful-- I have a thing for gingers. Also, Xavier was great. His line of "You're dead" is perhaps one of the best executions of the movie. Brilliant. Putting that aside, I had an epiphany when Edward turns to him and says, "Think about it. You're from Forks." Did that make you think of anything? Well it did for me. 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Clueless. That movie was a staple of my upbringing. When I don’t stop at a stop sign I STILL say “I totally paused!” as if it is ample justification for breaking the law. At one point Tai (Brittany Murphy) turns to Cher (Alicia Silverstone) and says, "You're a virgin who can't drive." THAT WAS THE BEST INSULT OF MY YOUTH. I was like OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!! …. OH yes she DID! So when Edward was like "Think about it. You're from FORKS" it was like OH SNAP Riley! Victoria is using your ass!... and then I related it back to a movie that was made in ’95. 

Question: Why did the vampires shatter like porcelain dolls? Granite does not shatter. Do you have a granite countertop? If you drop something on it, the thing being DROPPED shatters, not the granite. That shit is HARD. You can cut on it! You can put hot pans on it! It's solid! So why are heads shattering like hollow porcelain dolls? And when their heads were ripped off I expected to see a robot interior full of wires. Did any of you feel that way? And why did the Styrofoam carcass of Victoria look like Styrofoam? Oh right, because Summit is cheap.

Shining Bella moment: SLICING THAT ARM. You go girl, you go. For someone who is afraid of blood, you certainly fooled us! The slow trickle down her arm? Yes.

Now for Jacob breaking. I kind of liked the way they changed it in the script. I like that they were all there to see Leah fuck up. The cut-to naked Jacob on the ground in pain?… nah, I’m not touching that. He’s a BABY. 

What if Bella says F-U to the Cullens in BD and joins Jane! #DakotaStew4eva

The Voltouri are the shit. Dakota FTW, ya know? She's fucking awesome.

Now. Now is where I don't know if we're going to be friends. I give Jacob a hard time. I give Taylor a little less of a hard time, but I kind of loved this scene--and I'll tell you why in a moment. What was SUPER LAME AND GOES ON MY LIST OF DISLIKES was the failure to write/use the freaking Eclipse line. Uh, hello? IT'S WHY THIS MOVIE IS CALLED ECLIPSE, like come on!! 

please note Jacob's wet hair... AGAIN.

It’s okay though because the scene totally redeemed itself at the end.

B: Until my heart stops beating.

J: Maybe even then.

OH COME ON. TELL ME THE SAP IN YOU DIDN'T LOVE THAT?! It didn't? Well I did. In that moment I felt bad for Jacob, and I felt really bad for Team Jacob. Their loss is just so final in that moment, and you don’t want J/B to lose one another because they really were great friends. So here it goes…

Dearest Team Jacob,

As of right now, we are at an impasse.

Hearts,

KSIBTU

Then we go back to the meadow and Bella gives a speech. I’m not sold on that proclamation. Did she want a slow clap at the end? 

That being said, Rob can smile at me like that any day, and Kristen can totes tackle me down. Their banter was adorable and I liked the Charlie line. I'm so happy that they included that. Bella’s playful nature with that truly made the ending enjoyable before he put that excuse of a ring on. 

E: Let's rub foreheads instead of kissing so I don't try to take your virtue

B: Mkay

So. When I initially wrote this, this was the end of the chronological movie discussion for me. I sent this piece to Iris and Buff to read. When it was returned to me, Buff had noted this:

Dear Buff, Sorry I suck. You should know this already. Hearts, me.

SEE? This is why I am a failure at life. HOW DID I FORGET THAT!? WHAT A FUCKING FAIIIILLLLLL! What so Bella is the only floozy? She's the only hormone crazy, sex craving, NORMAL teenager? THE FUCK!? Please. PLEASE. That scene should've been in the movie for two reasons. The first is it demonstrated that Bella actually DOES want to become a vampire and isn't doing it just to get laid. Although her speech attempted to convince us of that, I couldn't focus on the words because I kept thinking that someone was going to start a slow clap. The second reason is that i WANTED TO SEE EDWARD TRY TO GET IT! The entire movie, every time Bella went for it I would say "get it girl". Serio, I did. For ONCE I wanted to be able to say "get it Edward!", but guess what? I couldn't. For SHAME, Melissa, for shame. [Also, I kind of miss that there wasn't as much banter between the two as there was in the book. It would've added for a TAD more normalcy]

So there you have it. I broke down every single freaking piece of the movie with my thoughts. Overall the movie was great. Sure it had minor flaws, but what movie doesn't?

Answer: Twilight

Bahah, Twilight. I loved Twilight. Here is a chart explaining the movies IMO:

I had to call P to ask him how to make bar graphs in Excel. #WIN

See? Twilight will always take the cake for me. I could watch that movie over and over and over and over (with commentary, obvs).  I attribute it to Cathy, but many of you disagree with me. Let's agree to disagree, shall we? #Cathy4Eva.

Slade did a great job. For all of the drama that surrounded his being the director, I think he did wonderful work. I actually liked the close ups on the faces (Kristen), some of the moments that included shaky cameras, but most of all the landscape shots. The movie was beautiful, seriously. If you look at the individual stills, the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. Kristen's face is freaking flawless and this movie showed that gf can handle close ups like WOAH. 

I thought Rob was eons better than last movie… because he finally had the chance to be. He finally didn't have to brood the entire time. He was able to talk above a whisper. He was able to be as normal as a horny one million year old vampire could be. Well done.

mmm yeahhhh.... not so attracted to Edward as much as I am Rob

There are a lot of flaws within the script of these movies, which is what makes them so hated by many. That's where the brilliance of Kristen's acting comes into play. Whereas for another actress a trite and cheese filled line may make you want to scream, I believe Kristen as Bella. Movie Bella isn't trying to be something she is not. She owns her decisions. This can be entirely attributed to the fact that Kristen Stewart plays Isabella Swan. This is why book Bella < movie Bella. Kristen always makes the movies that much better. It's why KSIBTU. I loved her in this film. I loved the movie. I can't wait for BD. I can't wait to hear what you guys thought. As I sign off, I think I will let RP take the reigns on why KSIBTU (at the 1:02 mark):

Watch the 2010 MTV Movie Awards at MTV.com!

Why yes, yes she is.

awww Belllaaaaa

Because she brought Bella Swan back to the screen in the best possible way, KStew is better than you.

Oh… and one more thing… about that impasse:

Dear Team Jacob,

YOUUUUUU LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE. Enjoy jail.

Hearts,

KSIBTU

[A/N: Must start with a HUGE thanks to @Buff_82 & lisa, @BellasMommy86 & Erica and Ali, @Just2CUSmile, @JolieJessa, @Cindelro & sister & friend, @theurbanwhisk and @quiet_soliloquy for the most enjoyable midnight movie experience in my entire lifetime. Thank you for the best NY week ever. I sincerely love all of you ladies. NOW: WHAT DID YOU THINK THE SECOND HALF OF THE MOVIE?! I interacted with nearly every single one of you who responded last post, and I will absolutely do that again. Let's honor The Lynchpin because she kicked ass. Let me hear your thoughts ladies! I love ya more than Jacob loves babies.]