Some On the Road... and Inflatable Vices

Happy Friday ladies!

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Babies are funny.

I have 6 things to say and then we will be on our merry ways.

1. Today my sister leaves for Africa for the better part of 5 weeks. We are in a pretty secluded area right now so getting her ready for this epic trip has been rather daunting on everyone in this house. One of the things she had to do was spray permethrin all over her clothes, which is bug spray. Although she is on malaria medication for the next three months, we would still prefer if she didn't die, so I suppose spraying all of her stuff was a step in the right direction. That being said, it sucked because it smelled like a horrid permanent marker. While my sister is in Africa going on safaris, visiting orphanages and going on archeological digs… I’ll be sitting on the beach sipping gin and juice. I just wanted to share my life’s inadequacies and underachieving with you. 

WHY HAVE I NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE!?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I WOULD'VE INSULTED WITH THIS!?

2. THIS WEEK, TOMSTU JOINED THE CAST OF ON THE ROAD. Holy.Shitballs. Could life get any better than that? NO. NO IT COULD NOT. I saw Pirate Radio aka The Boat That Rocked a while back because we were raised as big Philip Seymour Hoffman fans.  I wasn’t very aware of who TomStu was, but when I re-watched I was very pleased with his performance. He is actually really good!  

what a handsome boy

I had a friend who was able to go to the Gen Art Film Festival in NY and see his movie Waiting for Forever, and she said it was really, really cute.  I saw this in an article: 

That made me laugh my ass off. I didn’t know that. Anyhow, I am so unbelievably happy for Tom to have landed this role. I think he will do a phenomenal job in this movie, and I want to see him maybe-sort-of-almost wanna do Dean aka “connect with his soul”—or just creepin’ in bed with KStew and Garrett.  Congrats, Tom, this is truly going to be awesome. (and that was very nice of you KStew.) [Since writing this, it has been announced that Terrence Howard and Elisabeth Moss have joined the cast. This movie is fucking GOLDEN. This is one loaded cast. To be honest, I think I'm fangirling over Elisabeth more because Mad Men is BRILLIANT--and uh--do we have to talk about my sentiments on period clothing?]

3. THIS kid showed up on the set of On The Road yesterday. 

I wanna drink you like a tall glass

of WATAH

Oh my. OH MY. MFH is bringing the quiver like WOAH. It could be the low pants. It could be the haircut. It could be the can of coca-cola in his hand aka my drug of choice (TWINZ).  It could also be the fact that he is ROCKING THE SHIT out of a Beastie Boys shirt that says GET OFF MY DICK. 

I suppose I'd have to be ON it first.

Well now if that isn’t a message to some overzealous [psychotic] fans, I don’t know what is. But that’s not the point. The point is that he’s not just wearing it—he’s (dare I say) owning it. I can’t even. The Beastie Boys were everything to me in high school. I am sincerely at a loss here. Why are you writing this? This is a Kristen site. Well, I love Rob, so fall back... and I feel as if KStew was instrumental in his looking rather badass. You hang with Kristen? You wear kick ass shirts from 1987 and you look like you could fuck something up. Very nice choice. Once again, that was nice of you KStew!

4. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS POST. Pictures have finally surfaced of our beloved KStew in Marylou garb.  I'm nearly positive that KStew has never been any better than you then she is right now. LIKE SERIOUSLY.

...HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA...

*dead*

HOLY.HOTNESS. Remember when I said I might actually die when we finally saw her? This isn’t even a full body shot and a defibrillator had to be used on me. I can now say [since I’m living] that I died ten deaths staring at this perfection. IS THIS MOVIE OUT YET?! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IS IT TIME!?

SOMEONE IS EXCITED FOR HARRY POTTER!

"Expecto Patronum!"

Let me tell you this: I need a shitton more than Rhonda to get through this movie without imploding.

5. Then this happened... 

Ain't nothing to see here. Just some Breaking Dawn pre-prod

Uhmmmm yeah... so there's THAT. I'm thinking this rivals France's shock and beats Italy. (<- it makes me laugh that you will understand that statement) There's not really anything else to say about this because... well.. for once the picture really does, finally, say it all.

6. It’s Friday. Friday constitutes a giveaway.  I love this one. No, I flove this one. I want this one all to myself. I want to hang it over my bed and stare at it and ponder all the days of my life. Anyhow, allow me to tell you the back-story to this week’s inspiration. I am currently on vacation. I’m not staying at some fancy hotel on some tropical island—although I am on an island—it’s just not in the tropics. Anyhow, we have a very secluded beach house (purchased by my now deceased grandparents 50 years ago) that we visit every summer for two weeks. My father’s only sibling, my aunt, comes down and her kids fly in as well. It’s lovely. 

not a bad view to wake up to every day.

This year none of our rafts for the pool would inflate. My father asked me to go and buy some at one of those beach stores and so I made P drive.

“I’m going to go check a bathing suit real quick,” He said walking away leaving me to this plethora of plastic. 

So I did what any sensible person would do… I took the already inflated ones down from the display and began frolicking all over them. TEST IT OUT PEOPLE, THAT WAY YOU KNOW IF IT SUCKS BEFORE YOU DROP SERIOUS BONE-AGE ON IT!

 I spotted a dolphin and a whale. 

They looked way fun. I knew my dad was referencing floating rafts… but like… come on… it’s a fucking whale! So I hop on top and begin bouncing, just to get a feel for whether or not a grown up can play on them. I get off of the whale and switch to the dolphin and do a bounce or two. Whale was defo better. I switch back and do a few more test bounces (how else do you suggest we make a wave pool people?). Then, realizing P isn’t back, I flop my head down on said orca in front of me and run my hands over the smooth plastic... it was so soft!!

of ALL THE SICK THINGS.

Yes, to the untrained (any) eye, it looked as if I wanted to make love to the whale—or perhaps was already attempting to.  Then I hear a throat clear. I look up to find a young-ish boy staring at me like I’m a crack head. Here I am, probs 7 years his senior, surrounded by inflatable animals that I have been BOUNCING ON one after the other, settled on a whale (literally), rested my head on it, and began to stroke it. 

“Hey,” he said shrugging, “whatever you’re into… you can keep… ya know… doing whatever it was you were doing. We all have our vices.” 

Uh what? As he said this, P walked up and started cracking up hysterically. I decided to get three tubes and two rafts, as my dad requested, and the whale for good measure.

have u ever brought a tube into the ocean and put three grown people

on top of it around the edges and let the waves pull you in and kick your ass?

IT'S SO FUN.

P kept teasing me in the car so I told him to fuck off. He then turned to me and said, “Do you know that’s a real thing? What you were doing with the inflatable things? Like it’s a real fetish, CC.”

 “Uh WHAT?!” I said realizing that’s what that little punk ass kid at the shop thought I was doing. 

So I googled it, obv. Well, low and behold, it is in fact a real thing. P told all 14 people in this house the story and I wanted to perish. 

What did I do? I watched a little KStew video to lift my spirits. It was one from TYH where she said, “it’s okay to be you.” 

I took that as Kristen telling me that if  that little fucker in the store wanted to think I was some sort of inflatable-fucking-freak with my whale, then so be it. I knew what I was doing, and it’s okay for me to WANT TO BOUNCE ON A FLOATATION DEVICE BEFORE I BUY IT. Because that’s what I do. Because that’s ME. Fuck that kid and his stupid fetish of my "vice" (as he referred to it). Do you know what I did? I went back to that store, waited for him to be my cashier and bought the fucking dolphin as well. So now he can picture me stroking both ALL NIGHT LONG.

Today’s giveaway will be this picture (just Kristen, obv):

omg how cute.

It will say “It’s okay to be you”. I think if there is anything that Kristen has given us fans it is that exact sentiment. No matter what people try to mold you into or how hard society tells you to change, you must always remember: It’s okay to be you… even if that means being a weirdo like myself. In addition to that, this is one of my favorite Kristen pictures of all time.

To enter you must leave a comment on anything--pertaining to this post or not-- WITH YOUR TWITTER NAME AND/OR AND EMAIL ADDRESS and answer the following question:

Since wanting to bone an inflatable whale seems to be one of my vices, what are your vices? Would you ever want to shake them?

My answer: my iPhone, chocolate milk, straws, and swearing. Holy shit I swear too fucking much. And NO I would not want to shake them. I like my vices, although if I get any more dependent on my phone I may be murdered by every single person I know. It’s a risk worth taking. Oh, and inflatable whales. 

SEEE YAH MONDAYYYYYYY

Have a great weekend, and I shall see you all on Monday for Twilight Part 2 and the winner of today's giveaway!