It's like a drug to me: Twilight Part 1

Please excuse the fact that today is Tuesday and not Monday. It’s not that I forgot Movie Mondays were supposed to be on Monday, it’s that I forgot I would be driving 12 hours to go on vacation. How do you forget that? You lack a brain. That’s me!

omg I'm made of hay too!

Our Movie Monday is now Twilight Tuesday, which is fine. I want to start out with the winner of the giveaway.

Congratulations @theurbanwhisk! Lucky for me, I KNOW YOU, and I know where you live, and I’ll be seeing you next week, so congrats Michelle!!! Once again if you didn’t win, do not worry because on Friday we will have another JHiggs original to give to one of you lucky readers.

Now it is time. I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to end. I don’t know anything. Just try to stay with me as we go through this. 

The second I see Twilight coming onto my TV/laptop I get a little giddy, I’m not going to lie. This movie is such an unbelievable release for me, and I am so ashamed and yet proud of that as well. I hate to love Twlight, and I love to hate Twilight, you know what I mean? I have seen this movie more times than I can count, and I cannot get enough. 

The main difference between Twilight and all of its lesser sequels (I am NOT judgmental at all) is that they didn’t have anything to prove. It seemed so much more effortless, so much less forced, and so much more about the movie than the suits that are capitalizing off of this now infamous franchise. I suppose that’s what gives Twlight that certain je ne sais quoi—it just seems so much more carefree. I don’t even know what I’m saying right now, but my point is that Twilight is superior (in my mind) because it wasn’t about maintaining a franchise—it was a couple of young kids meeting up in Oregon to make a movie… with A KICKASS DIRECTOR. [You all know I love Catherine. I’m going to gush and gush and gush. I don’t careeeeee. Some of you guys cannot stand her. Low and behold we are STILL friends. Proof that this fandom can, in fact, agree to disagree and not only stay civilized BUT still be bffs!]

FYI: Climbing to the top of that?

NOT WORTH THE VIEW.

I truthfully believe that another reason I love this movie is due to the fact that it was filmed in the Pacific Northwest. As many of you know, my sister lives in Portland, and I could die happy in that city. Portland is so relaxed/trendy/environmentally friendly and everything else—it’s just beautiful. And it’s situated amongst incredible trees and gigantic dormant volcanoes. There is a certain feeling you get when you go to the PacNW, one that involves lots of lovely fresh air, and it’s just the best feeling in the world. Twilight makes me think about that feeling, which makes me release endorphins, which in turn makes me happy. So THAT’S why I like the movie, here I thought it was Rob and Kristen (and Cathy)!

As previously stated, I was a movie before book person. Sometimes I try to think back to what it was like walking into Twilight blind, but I truthfully cannot remember. I couldn’t have hated it that much considering I grabbed the book the next day and went to town for four days after that finishing all of the books. That being said, my loyalty is to the movies (aka KStew). 

Let us now begin.

The movie opens with the deer scene. How riveting.

Let’s skip to Arizona. Enter Bella Swan. A perfectly normal girl with an outrageously pretty face (thanks, KStew!) holding onto her little cactus, the last piece of home she has before her deadbeat mom moves away with her stepfather she moves in with her dad. The book always said how Bella was an unconventional beauty who didn't see herself properly, and what I will say is that Kristen IS an unconventional beauty. Not all get IT, but she has one beautiful, flawless face on her. Good casting.

Cue the music, “when the thorn bush turns white that’s when I’ll come home…” and you know you’re in TwilightLand. I’m TINGLY folks. Help me, Rhonda.

yes.

After the change of scenery we fall upon Charlie and Bella. Charlie comments on her hair being longer and she says she cut it since she last saw him. This is our first indication that their relationship isn’t necessarily the strongest. Something I truly appreciate from the movies is the evolution of Charlie and Bella’s relationship.  Because of time constraints, we never get to see Bella take care of her father as she does in the books, but at least the movie showed that they do connect as time progresses. It isn’t instant, but it’s there by Eclipse when they stand in the kitchen and he says he would look every day for his daughter if she went missing—his daughter he barely knew in Twilight. 

Cut to the delivery of the red truck. Enter Jacob Black. Fuck. I did NOT hate Jacob Black in this movie. He’s just this cute little prepubescent boy with a cracking voice who goes to school on the reservation and knows how to double punch a clutch. Why did he have to turn out to be a baby-loving wolf? It’s such a shame. One of the things I DO remember, having watched the movie first, is thinking I liked him. Then I read New Moon and hoped he was eaten (killed?) in Eclipse. That dream was never realized.

We then have the pleasure of meeting Jessica Stanley. 

and yet she looks so innocent

“Aren’t people from Arizona supposed to be like really tan?”

Gosh. High School. I’d go back in a heartbeat and yet I’d rather die at the same time. Everyone knew a Jess Stanley. 

Now is the time. Listen to me closely; once upon a time I had no idea who Robert Pattinson was. I was entirely oblivious to the whole Twilight phenomenon and I did my best to make fun of it at every opportunity. If I had seen the trailer one more time I was going to break my freaking TV. But I had heard about this new ‘heartthROB’ and I was intrigued. 

[Be prepared to laugh at me.]

As Bella and Angela are discussing the Cullen children, I eagerly awaited Edward’s face, but I had no fucking idea who Edward or Rob was. 

“Is that him?” I leaned into my cousin.

“No, that is Jasper. He is NOT Edward… like… at all.” I know now that she was trying to hold in her contempt for my ignorance. I don’t blame her. I’d hate me too.

The fact that I even had to have that pointed out to me makes me want to PERISH from the earth right now. Have you SEEN this kid!?

Yes, this movie will be the death of me.

I was an idiot, although I’m not claiming that I’m not still an idiot… I’m just claiming that at least I have the sense to know that shittastic Jasper hair is NOT I repeat NOT freshly fucked Edward Cullen hair.  

He KNOWS he's got it.

Now allow me to continue to gush—as he enters the room and the ethereal voice rings out? I had a moment. My panties vanished. And when his lips curled up into that little grin as he walked? STOP. THAT is where the fantasy of Twilight comes into play. Because for me, there was no Edward Cullen before Robert Pattinson, and I thank baby Jesus for that because my word that boy has ridiculously good looks.

Then I look at Kristen and I’m like jeebus she is one fine Bella, and then the harsh realization that they never will have a quickie in the janitor closet sets in. I still haven’t stopped complaining about that, and I’m pretty sure I never will. Please just fuck already you two.

Perhaps if they did, he would stop staring at her like this:

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And she would stop looking like this:

"Fuck's your problem, freak?"

Then there would be no shots that look like this:

No, no. He's not a creep at ALL.

It’s not that he wants to eat her—it’s that he wants to eat her ou--… never mind on that one. 

Now we get to the diner. Did you know the waitress is named Cora? I never knew that. You learn something new every day. Enter Waylon. He’s so creeptastic that I love it. 

“The kids love those little bottles though.”

AMEN TO THAT. I always wondered how parents had patience with their kids. My grandmother told me that she used to slip a little somethin’ somethin’ in her kids’ bottles to aid them in the sleeping process. That was way back in the 50's and 60's when there were no laws, but I mean... if it ain't broke...

babies and their hangovers these days....

Fuck that! That totally makes sense because if you weigh your options it’s like my sleep or sit with a crying baby. Vodka means EVERYONE sleeps. That is a win-win!!! (Relax, I’m kidding, and even if I wasn’t, I have no kids so there is NO need to call CPS!)

Then this happened:

Who caresssssss

Around this time we cut a lot to Edward’s face. I love the angst in this movie. It’s great. We just flash around a lot to eyebrows, lips, jaws, EVERYTHING good. #CathyFTW

In the mean time Charlie gives Bella tires. I never really thought about this gesture until I recently watched it again and read the script as well. It’s supposed to be a big deal, and in the script it says that Charlie, “sees emotion in her eyes. Doesn't understand it, but nods, heads inside. Bella looks at the tires again, oddly moved…”

Awwwww

Finally the ever-elusive Edward Cullen decides he will grace the halls of Forks High with his presence again. He’s such a little prick that Edward, you know? Cocky little son of a bitch.  He engages Bella in a conversation, a very personable and personal one. He is nice and this gave ME whiplash, but with a smile like that? Well let’s just say everything about him invited me into a circle of forgiveness.  But moments later Bella asks about his eyes, and he blames the fluorescents and literally strides away. I like how confused Kristen looked. She gives really good facial expressions in this movie. Edward Cullen? You are BACK in the timeout corner. 

But not for long. 

Bella is brooding over by her car as the Cullens all stand around their cars with umbrellas. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!? Have you ever watched this scene like 4 times in a row? Because I did. Who just stands outside their car in the rain? What is with these kids? They are all standing there staring at her. 

THIS.

HERE’S AN IDEA, Alice, I thought you were psychic? Why didn’t you happen to foresee the truck hitting Bella, because I know your ass was already watching her since Edward ran away to Alaska like a little bitch because he wanted Bella’s virtue blood. This was discussed in Midnight Sun (not that I read it, so thank you Iris!), but I think it’s all just a lie. She blamed Tyler making a poor decision last minute and then she saw it too late? Well, THAT is convenient. I like my theory better.

This all could’ve been avoided had anyone just stopped Bella on her way to her car. Problem solved. This is why I now secretly believe that Alice hates Bella. Bella is always getting hurt. What purpose does Alice serve then, exactly? GET IT TOGETHER. #conspiracy 

So Edward dashes to his girl and pulls her down and the car is stopped by his super[non-living]human powers. Edward Cullen has saved the day. HUZZAH! Bella looks at him confoundedly, but he stands up and jumps onto her car, over the other side and then walks in the OPPOSITE direction of his own car… because THAT makes sense.

Everyone crowds around Bella, Tyler’s head is cut in mysterious places, and she ends up in the hospital. HOW.FUNNY.WAS.CHARLIE? The natural chemistry that Kristen and Billy have is fantastic. I feel like he could be her father, you know? They get along famously. This was when I truthfully realized I was going to have to be #TeamCharlie. Hilariously protective. “You can kiss your license goodbye.”

Lookin' a little pale today, Doc.

And then we say helllllllllllllllloooooooooooo to Doctor Cullen! It’s not necessarily PFach that is so inviting, although he is handsome, it’s how gentle he is. Doctors are such jerks. They are sadist assholes who live to play God and watch people scream. (name that movie) Anyhow, the point is, a lot of the time doctors always seem like they have somewhere to be that is more important. Several of my uncles are doctors, and I always tell them how utterly unapproachable they are. Doctor Cullen? He can approach me ANY time. [I think I may or may not be crushing on Carlisle, and I’m not sure why or where this is coming from. This is just as big of a shock for you as it is me. I’ll get over this though.]

Then we hear Rosalie running her stupid mouth all “what about me” and stuff and Bella is around the corner going WHAT ABOUT ME!? She tells Edward that she isn’t giving up on the truth—I like the spunk!

“That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen.” Weird, me too!

Someone didn't get enough sleep last night, Edward.

They then take a trip to the greenhouses. I’m going to go ahead and say we could’ve definitely done without this. This is one of my only issues with the otherwise flawless (HA!) Twilight. We go to a greenhouse instead of having Bella faint in lab? The irony within that scene in the book is uncanny! She can smell blood? A human who cannot take the sight, smell or taste of blood? Who has a vampire sitting right next to her who wants to suck the life out of her? #MelissaFAIL

Edward then approaches Bella at their cafeteria’s SALAD BAR (<- uhhhhhhh WHAT!?) and is nice to her. 

My word this boy fluctuates. It is high school though, and hormones are raging. Especially since you don’t get laid for three more books that are 22K pages each.

cuties.

Then Waylon gets eaten, but only after singing, “mama said I didn’t know how to make a kitty meow,”…. uh… yeah. Fuck, I love Rachelle. She’s crazy menacing with her crooked smile, and uh Cam’s bod? Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom. 

LaPush. I’ve been to this exact ‘LaPush’ on Oregon’s coast.

RL

Kristen and I have walked the same beach. Allow me to add this to the ever-expanding list as to why we should be friends. (K? Call me! xoxo) 

Fuck, I love Jacob in this movie and it kills me because he had SO much potential [Remember: I saw movie first, so I didn’t know of the fuckery]. He’s so young, so cute, so innocent, so not a baby-lover. He’s just so purely good. As they stroll the beach and he tells the story of his tribe, you watch as Bella watches him so intently and connects the dots in her mind. Girlfriend has some killer intuition if I’ve ever seen it. If I were her, everything up to this point I would chalk up to Edward menstruating—emphasis on the men. 

Let’s go to Port Angeles, shall we? Edward saves the day from a potentially volatile situation by growling at the big mean men and giving them very, VERY scary eyes. But dinner. Often times I try to pinpoint my favorite scenes in this movie and this always comes to mind. It was a very important part of the book because it was key in their getting to know one another, but for me it’s the acting. Rob has a very good way of showing his inner turmoil with what his character is going through, and Kristen is just good at not his taking shit. But together it somehow turns into a romantic-ish sultry scene where they finally decide to be honest. Once they let their guards down, the floodgates are open for communication.

well this looks to be going FAMOUSLY

Bella goes home and does what any sensible person would do. She Googles it! I Google the shit out of everything. EV-ER-Y-THING. I like to consider myself somewhat of a Google connoisseur because there is literally nothing I cannot find at the drop of a hat. Are there competitions for that? Like Rubik’s Cube ones but instead Googling things? Hold on, I’ll Google that! (Oh gosh, I’m slaying myself with my wit today.)

Now we are at the scene. The scene in the forest—the scene were ALL of the truths come out. (Perhaps I am being a bit dramatic.) Bella gives Edward a laundry list of his inhuman characteristics and then he gets all domineering on her ass. As if that wasn’t enough, he flies her up a mountain and starts throwing shit. And in true Edward Cullen bipolar fashion, moments later he is pressing her against a rock touching her heart.  

What personal space?

This part was actually… kind of beautiful. 

I’m skipping the meadow scene because it embarrasses me. It made a mockery out of something that was so instrumental in the book; in fact it was the ENTIRE REASON THE BOOK WAS WRITTEN. For shame.

I don't need to tell you which one is Melissa.

Enter next favorite scene in the movie:

I would date either of these two.

I just wanna be like BAMMMM TAKE THAT YOU BITCHESSSSSSSS!!!!!!! It is just so hot, and I don’t care that it’s sunny and he’s wearing sunglasses because I don’t give a shit about the book as much as I do as seeing Edward Cullen wearing some Ray-Bans. YUM. You go Bella, you go.

Then they are on all these rocks, jumping around, and talking. And this is where the beauty of Rob and Kristen’s chemistry comes into play. Whereas I may have been thoroughly disappointed that the movie totally jumps over them alienating themselves at lunch and getting to know one another, Rob and Kristen sitting on rocks and climbing trees suffices. Why? Because it was in that moment that I realized it wasn’t what they were saying; it was who they were saying it to. So long as the chemistry that you felt in the book translates in the movie—it didn’t matter. Dare I say the chemistry in the movie far surpasses that of the book for me? Well I don’t have to dare, I just did. Brilliant. 

Just some normal kidZ dealing with some vamp stuff.

This is the last scene in the movie that I’m going to discuss today. I think it’s rather overlooked, and it is one of my favorite parts. Edward hops all over her car and fixes her dent. Even though he fixed her car with his bare hand, this scene allows you to see a glimpse of a normal relationship and teenage feelings. They are both nervous, but he wants her to meet the parents! The vampparents! So although he is 500 years old, he really just is a little kid deep down inside. They are normal in this scene. There is no brooding. There is no grunting. There is no tension—there is nothing crazy going on. There are two kids who are feeling all tingly inside and they wanna get to know one another. It seemed so freaking natural.  I love when he gives her a little poke at the end. It all seemed so normal. That gave me peace of mind… briefly.

Then EVERYTHING goes to hell in a hand basket. Edward’s sixth sense picks up Billy Black’s Jacob’s stench and he leaves. They get out of the car and Billy confesses that Jacob won’t stop talking about Bella.

OH GOOD. SO WE’RE GONNA START THIS NOW, ARE WE? Had Billy just said NO we CANNOT go to their house… well… we could’ve avoided this:

OH

And this:

HELL

And THIS:

NO

But no.  Charlie then says, “Spread the word out to the res, will ya? And keep the kids out of the woods.” As if that wasn’t enough, Billy then says, “Will do, chief. Don’t want no one else getting hurt, do we?” And he eyes Bella down. Actually he throws daggers at her. Why, Billy?  Because you know Edward is a vamp? You know Alice knows that Bella is going to become a vamp? You know that in New Moon they are going to show THIS:

muhahahahahh

If that is what it takes to save us from The Frolic (proper noun), then by all means, Bella, listen to your father and STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE WOODS. 

STOP TRYING TO TAKE HER CLOTHES OFF, EDWARD.

How the tables turn from Eclipse, eh?

But KStew never follows the rules, so naturally neither would Bella. This is where we will stop.... the best is yet to come.

Because she doesn’t give a shit what Billy says and goes into the woods to Edward’s house, KStew is better than you.

[A/N: Sorry for the delay but I was en route to my own bliss for 10 hours yesterday. I am now on vacation for the next two weeks and I couldn’t be more pleased.  This was part 1 of Twilight. Part 2 is where all of the goodies are. Baseball. The kiss. The fight. Part 2 will go down next Monday. That being said, what were your favo parts of part 1? Any scenes u liked that I didn’t mention? Any scenes from the book that didn’t make the cut of the movie? WE. WILL.DISCUSS. See you Friday my lovely people!]

Oh, and one more thing…

Happy Birthday, Amy. 

I love you, my brilliant Brit. Cheers!