Help me, Rhonda.

Oh hey everybody! Happy Friday (for those of you that it's actually still Friday for)! It's a pretty happy Friday for me because tonight I will be flying home. That sounds a bit convoluted, no? Who wants to go home? ME! MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!!! I have been away on this… sabbatical (except not. It's really just a plain old selfish vacation) for over three weeks. It's time to go home. My luggage can't take any more use. My wallet can't take any more use. My brain can't take any more use.

This will be on the street upon my return. Obv.

I want to see my dogs. I want to hug them. I want to NOT have to pay for dinner. These are all my desires that are easily satiated by boarding a plane for 6 hours and flying back east. So that's what I'm going to do. 

Know what else I'm going to do en route?

I want to blow this picture up and put it on my wall. Legit.

COLOR!

Listen, I wasn't going to really write anything today because nothing really earth shattering happened. Then two things happened; the coloring book was the first thing.  Berlin was the second.

When I was younger, my parents traveled a lot for business. My sister and I were always taken along. Sometimes, my mom would have conferences ON planes (like a conference room on a plane) and she would (not kidding) SHOVE US UNDER THE TABLE to color.

"Hello CPS? Yes my mom stores me under tables… so… if you wanna take her… or whatever… that's fine…"

One time I really did tie a man's shoelaces together. My mother has still not forgiven me for that. Well, that's what you get for KEEPING A KID UNDER A TABLE LIKE A FREAKING DOG.

I have been coloring on planes since I could hold a freaking crayon, and today (at twentysomething) I still color on planes. Every single time. I'm not afraid of flying so I don't have any nerves, but I still find the practice rather cathartic. This was me last March on my way to Oregon:

Lizzie was to my right. She's a doctor. Bwhahahah

My sister has these pictures hanging on her refrigerator… because I taped them there and she can't get them off.

So. good.

The fact that Kristen likes to color on planes says a couple of things about her. 

1- She knows how to relax. Coloring in the lines takes focus, concentration, and often times it just relaxes you.

2- SHE'S FUCKING AWESOME! Coloring is the coolest shit ever. It is so very reminiscent of easier times when coloring was the hardest part of our day. Perhaps we all color in attempts to regain that feeling we had as children, or perhaps we color because it's still one of the most fun things in the world.

Look, she even gave herself a star!

The fact that Kristen Stewart gets on a plane, colors a princess, and then knowingly walks out into a swarm of paparazzi with her beautiful creation showing makes me laugh.

What she should really do is color the Twilight coloring sheets like this:

ummmmm

And this:

OH HOW ORIGINAL, YOU REALLY DREW THIS.

and this:

...is this real life?

...and then sell them to crazy twihards for like 10K and give the money to charity! … Could you imagine coloring in your own head? But it's like real life pictures, you know? No one sat down and drew something out (aside from the last one), instead they just used an app and made that into a coloring sheet.

Although, it can't be more weird than having a doll… that is entirely disproportionate and looks nothing like you.

#FAIL

That's kind of weird, no?

Anyhow, bottom line is we should all color more. Coloring releases endorphins (I just made that up) and endorphins make people happy. Happy people don't hate other people. (I think I just solved every war ever. JUST MAKE THEM COLOR! DUH!)

So then yesterday the Rome premiere goes down. Oh Rome. There will always be Rome, no?

Kristen showed up to the photocall in this:

so pretty.

That dress was J.Mendel. I've been a pretty big fan of her in J.Mendel before now. I am not the biggest fan of this dress, and here's why: I've become greedy. If Kristen isn't wearing a second skin dress showing the entire world how she is better than them, then I get dissuaded. 

I have an issue with the dress itself. It's not her I have an issue with. It's not the dress on her. It's the dress. I just don't like the straps. That's it. If I could remove the straps then I would be happy. I kinda love the sheer thing going up to her hip because it's very suggestive, young, and hip. 

Jimmy Choo pumps? Uh yeah. Shoeporn.

Her face though. My goodness. Can this girl give bad face?

stunning. STUNNING.

THE ANSWER IS NO.

I also adored the location, you know? There's something so very magical about Europe, rich in history and beautiful buildings. It's beautiful.

it looks like a magical garden.

I would also like to take a moment to look how cute she is with Taylor. If you hate Taylor please skip this. I just think that they are cutie pies together and it warms my ice cold relentless heart:

They must really hate one another.

Then the actual premiere goes down and she shows up in Marchesa.

Dont.ever.bite.ur.lip.like.that.again.so.i.can.continue.breathing.

YIPES.

Initially I was so over this dress before it even started. I was the person that was thinking 'that's too much dress on a little girl. She is drowning in the giant flowers. Simplicity is better.'

And I stuck to my guns until the HQ came out. The dress itself is fucking beautiful. The detail of the beading, the satin ruffles, and the sheer-- wow. That's a freaking dress folks. That is art. That is un-frickin-real.

look at that freaking dress!

It didn't make the top of my list, but I appreciate her wearing it. Do you know why? More than 75% of people who put that on probably look dumpy and like shit. Kristen puts it on and she looks freaking hot. WELL OF COURSE! KSIBTU!  It's a risk, a real risk, and she really did look profoundly beautiful on that carpet.

She has done a lot of black, but my favorite black was the one from Korea. It's the extensions maybe. 

But now.

Now I cant speak.

I can't think.

I can't move.

I'm seeing Versace. 

"wait a minute. CC can't speak?!... finally!"

Side story: Did you guys ever listen to The Beach Boys? I grew up listening to them, and every year they would do a charity concert in the town next to mine during a tennis tournament. Anyhow, they have this song Help me, Rhonda.  When I was a little kid, I would always call upon Rhonda for help. No joke. (FYI: I told you I was a weird kid!)

I'd be in a bind and jokingly say, "help me Rhonda! Help, help me Rhonda!" 

I eventually forgot about my devotion to Rhonda…. UNTIL LAST SUMMER! I went and saw The Beach Boys again (which ever ones were alive and well enough to sing) and it started. Now I talk to Rhonda all the time. 

So, I saw this:

i need some time.

I.NEED.SOME.TIME.

And I literally mouthed 'Oh fuck me. Help me, Rhonda.' 

I don't like the shoes, so I won't talk about them, but in my head WHO CAN EVEN LOOK BEYOND THE DRESS TO SEE THE SHOES!? Not I!

I can't even write. 

Okay so I have a thing about her in color. You guys know this. That is why this:

wait... what was I even talking about?

Was my favorite dress. The color, the lips, the hair--it all equals a smashing success.

Then I saw this dress. It has zippers. Did you read that… ZIPPERS! Under her ta-ta's. *gulp* All the way behind her back. *gulp* Down her back. *gulp*

Tay, if you know what's good for you, you'll watch that fuckin' hand.

Now some of you aren't about to pass out over this dress as I am. So then I pose this question:

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT SEE THE FREAKING BACK?!?!?

Rhonddddaaaaaaaaaa.

This is a screencap is from @KillerCortez because apparently the photogs didn't die over the back of this dress.

I'm done. Down for the count. The shapes that the straps and zippers make (exposing little patches of skin), along with the cobalt blue and black of the dress on her pale skin? ENOUGH. This has me. This.Has.Me.

I think this is meant to be, me and this dress. I have 2 reasons:

1. I speak German. Ich spreche Deutsch! Ich liebe Deutschland. 

RL

2. Four years ago I was in Germany for the World Cup. The World Cup is going on right now. Kristen is IN Germany right now.  This may not have any correlation, but in my head it does. Are you all enjoying the World Cup? Tough break for the US today (and that freaking goal. That was the most ABSURD thing ever and I'll get pissed talking about it) and England for not winning a game that should've been theirs. Beckham looks hot on the sidelines, though. 

So here I am at a crossroads between this:

best.ever.... or is it?!

this:

yesyesyesyeyseysye

and this:

BTW, loved the make up and the light pink-ish lip.

And I must say, I think the Versace is pulling ahead.

Here's my point though. Foreign press is winding down for Kristen and Taylor.  Their next stop is Sweden, correct? After that they are back in La La Land for the big premiere. Kristen has done beyond well this round of press, and with each one that passes she gets a little more comfortable with this lifestyle that has been bestowed upon her. Ungrateful is something I never thought she was, shellshocked? Perhaps. But that is a nonissue at this point because she is just killing it left and right. 

Considering how well she's been doing abroad, girlfriend better BRING IT in LA because last year? Well let's just say that's at the bottom of my list. It's different now, though. The ante has definitely been upped. The steeze; it's in the steeze. 

"You didn't like my dress last year? F-U CC!"

"Bring it, Kristen."

Because I now have a new reigning champ, KStew is better than YOU.

all pics are from KStewartFans. They are the shit.

[A/N: WHICH.LOOK.IS.YOUR.FAV!? I'm freaking DYING to know!!!!! Also, there is now a button on the side of this blog to bring you to the KSIBTU store! CHECK IT OUT!! Now, your patience as I have galavanted the West Coast has been so very appreciated. I have taken days (weeks?) to respond to e-mails. I have been MIA while I surf and cut pineapples. Thank you for sticking with me. I'll always stick with you! I'm getting on a plane in a few hours. I can't wait to be in the heat. How you PacNW people live I'll never know. Wearing a North Face fleece in June seems a bit odd. BRING ON THE HEAT! And bring on the last full week before Eclipse exists!!! Have the most wonderful weekend my lovely, lovely people. I love ya more than my homeward bound luggage!]