The Runaways

Part of me wishes that I had done this post tomorrow, and that I had posted my ridiculous post today. The other part of me says shut up this is something you said you would do for many moons now. The latter part clearly won over the other part. Are you guys still with me after that?


Today’s post shall be vulgar in parts and will discuss ‘big kid’ themes that are presented in The Runaways. I warn people before I throw out vulgarity (FYI: Fuck is used 18 times. Some of them are quotes from KStew but most of them are JUST ME!), so this is my warning that if you are not of age (or cannot handle my words) please switch to another website like this one. I am also going to warn, yet again, that I am going to talk about The Runaways. If for any reason you do NOT want to know what happens in the movie, please return later on. I would also like to note that this is NOT a typical review. We all know that I lack eloquence and grace (some might argue the capability to write… I will NOT fight you on that), and it would be weird if I tried to be something I’m not—which is a movie reviewer. I will discuss the movie overall, then I will talk about my fav scenes aka KSTEW. Let’s roll.

Today.

Is.

The.

Day.

KSTEW’S 20^th BIRTHDAY!

There is nothing in the world that you can give Kristen Stewart that she cannot get herself, except for support. The best way to make this birthday special for Her Holiness would be to go and see The Runaways. I went and saw it while I was in California 2-3 weeks ago.

Real life pic. Those of you that have AMC Theaters, are you a MovieWatcher?

You should be. You get free shit!

Was it the best movie ever made in the history of movies? No. I’ve read the reviews and watched them as well. High praise was sang over our beloved KStew, and rightfully so. Stewart and Fanning together are pure magic. While Joan can be callous to her other band mates, she has a soft spot for Cherie. It's sort of devastating in that Cherie ultimately can't handle the fame and turns on a pleading Joan. "I can't do this any more. I want my life back," Cherie explains. "Well, this is my life." Joan answers.

What I will say is that this movie was entertaining at the very least. At the movie’s completion I wanted to kiss girls and guys, do some drugs, join a band, wear some crazy clothes, perhaps cut my hair, and break shit. This movie perfectly encapsulated that overly used phrase of ‘sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll’ to a T, in a completely enthralling and not so cliché way.

this is so good it hurts.

I brought E with me to see the movie because I certainly wasn’t going to go alone. She didn’t have any issues going because E is a music fan. Twilight? She would’ve spat in my face, but I lured her in with promises of Joan Jett. To be quite honest, she wasn’t a very huge Jett fan. It was not that she didn’t like her, but moreover that she wasn’t exposed to her. E is stuck in the 60’s. She loves rainbows and butterflies, remember?

Stewart’s portrayal of famous rockster Joan Jett is nothing to point your nose up to; in fact I would go so far as to suggest you bow down. It was, perhaps, one of her best performances ever. For me? I’m not sure. I have a hard time choosing my favorite roles of people I really like, but allow me to divulge that it is without a doubt up on the top of my list.

Dakota performed very well (very un-I am Sam-like) as Currie. This movie was a perfect way to let the world know that she is no longer a child, and that is something she, unlike Kristen, will have to fight against. It’s hard when you take roles your entire life that are more kidlike and then you step into a movie where the first scene is period blood streaming down your leg. We the viewers have to believe it—and I’m pretty sure I did. “Hello world I’m your wild girl…”

(o_O)

After the movie was over E was on a RunawaysCherieJettHigh. I believe I tweeted about it actually. She ran back to her computer, hopped onto iTunes, and before I knew it I love Rock and Roll and Cherry Bomb blasted through her computer’s speakers nonstop. I had no qualms about it. If there is anything to take away from this movie it is just that. The music is awe inspiring and truly remarkable coming from the time that it did. This movie has opened up thousands of people to music they might have otherwise never heard. Job well done.

E was all over Kristen as Joan, as was I. She was perfect. The tics. The hair. The clothing. The mannerisms. The singing. The acting, my God the acting. Everything was a different piece of a puzzle that is Joan Jett and Kristen Stewart didn’t just emulate it—she nailed it. She defo solved the puzzle. E told me that KStew was amazing and almost “equal badassedness as Joan”. From E? That’s the highest of high honors. This movie will rightfully take every apprehension people had of Kristen (due to Twilight) and piss on it.

Dakota was a point of contention. E did not like her in this movie. Did NOT. She said, while listening to Cherry Bomb, “I like this way more than Dakota.” Her reasons for not loving Dakota’s performance were never discussed because E is not what you would call a deep person. Her reflection periods are few and far in between, so I left it at that.

OMG I think she took this pic for E!

That being said, if I had to take a guess it wouldn’t be Dakota’s fault at all—it would be the scripts. Cherie’s character’s back-story was far more explored than any of the other characters, which makes sense considering it was based on Cherie’s book. I will get back to this point, I promise, but right now I want to explore what made The Runaways so freaking awesome.

I’ve been foaming at the mouth over discussing this with you guys, and I cannot tell you how glad I am that this day has finally come. I’m going to mention my favorite scenes and why I loved them, and my not-so-favorite parts and why they tripped me up. If I leave something out that YOU want to speak of, please do let the masses know!

KStew plays a strong Joan, and boy-oh-boy was Joan strong. In one of the opening scenes Joan is meeting with her friend Tammy. Tammy turns to her and says, “My brother says guys don’t like tough girls. He says guys like girls to be soft,” to which Joan replies, “Your brother’s a fag.”

If that isn’t the entire movie in a nutshell I don’t know what is. It is Joan Jett being one tough bitch and refusing to take no for an answer all the while demolishing every gender barrier placed in her way. This was revisited, yet again, when Joan was taking guitar lessons and the teacher tried to get her to play On Top of Old Smoky. Joan didn’t want to be playing such a childish song so she changes up the lyrics to “On top of Old Smoky all covered with blow… I dumped my poor sweetheart… for a-screwin’ too slow.”

AMEN SISTAH FRIEND, YOU BATTLE ON!

Lots of things happen and eventually Joan is sitting with Kim Fowley trying to come up with a song. Cherry Bomb is birthed from that session. This whole thing was a bit cheesy for me, but I love cheese. What I also loved was when KStew peed on that douche bag band member’s guitar. That’s awesome. When I was younger I was totally a public pee-er. Were you? When I was liquored up enough I’d find a bush and just pee. I couldn’t wait. Too much info? Then stop now, it will get worse.

^^peeing in bushes prevents that ^^

The whole back-story of Dakota’s father being an alcoholic is something I could’ve done without. I would’ve preferred a little more rock ‘n’ roll as opposed to her deadbeat dad, because the story nearly fell flat after the huge Cherry Bomb performance.

This movie is hyper-sexualized in a way that not a lot of people are comfortable with. This isn’t a cookie cutter movie at all, and you wouldn’t take your grandmother. For example, there is a scene where Joan is teaching Sandy to masturbate, heavily suggesting that she imagine none other than the late Farrah Fawcet to aid in arousal. It comes out of nowhere in the movie, but it shows the viewers that these girls were fearless and were pretty comfortable with what they were doing.

This all leads up to the roller rink performance in which Kristen sings I love Playing with Fire. WHY IN THE F WAS THAT NOT ON THE SOUNDTRACK!? That was my favorite, by far, and it wasn’t there. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. After that performance is when IT goes down. I’ve been alluding to this for WEEKS and we finally get to discuss.

The Kiss

Folks. Fuck the kiss. I want to make something very clear: It was not the kiss itself that I was gushing over, it was the moments leading UP to the kiss. I do NOT in ANY WAY find it controversial for two girls to kiss. I just don’t. People act like two girls kissing is the biggest deal ever. Girls kiss… even straight ones... Can we talk about kisses? I’ve kissed a girl. Mhm. I have. I’m ‘straighter than a line’ (I HATE THAT LINE), and I’ve kissed a girl. Those of you who are rigid will come and tell me I’m gay. To you I say: FLIP OFF AND KEEP YOUR PREJUDICES OUT OF MY LOVEFEST.

I was e-mailing with an acquaintance and I said, “hey listen I’ve kissed girls. I was drunk on spring break in Mexico...” to which she responded, “I think we've all kissed a girl in Mexico at some point.” Get it? I was concerned about addressing this with you guys so I asked a couple of other buddies if they had ever kissed their friends while drunk, and I got an across the board emphatic YES, one of which said, “it’s better than kissing random guys.”

To some of you it’s NOT better than kissing random guys. To a majority of us, we have touched lips with a female one drunk night anddd guess what: it’s not a big deal. Do we all get that? It’s really not a big deal. So the press flips about this kiss and it’s all they want to talk about. Can I let you in on a secret?

KRISTEN KISSES AT LEAST TWO OTHER GIRLS IN THE MOVIE!

Never once was that mentioned though because their names weren’t Dakota Fanning.

They were so good together it's not even funny.

I previously said the kiss was under-talked about, but (once again) I meant the moments leading to it. Fuck, I’d go gay for ANY ONE if they approached me that way. Legit. Can we go to the script? [Note: Imagine Cherie laying down on the ground and Joan leaning over her body. Their figures become black and all you can see are their dark silhouettes against a vibrant red backlight]:

“SLO-MO: Joan inhales, leans close to Cherie, and blows smoke

onto her lips. Cherie reluctantly opens her mouth. Smoke

curls out of Joan’s mouth and into Cherie’s.

Joan moves closer, their lips touch. Cherie is cautious at

first, then we see her tongue. Joan touches her face, pulls

her closer.”

It is slow and burning like a good fire and it is hot. That makes me want a COLD ASS SHOWER. It’s why I want them to be nominated for best kiss. It. Was. Hotness. I don’t even remember the kiss or the moments that follow, because in the movie it was presented in a haze and therefore in my mind it is hazy as well. I will never forget that smoke scene so long as I live. Never.

Then the girls get signed, and before you know it we are in Japan for THE performance of the movie. Legit, it’s as good as I thought it would be. You cannot sit through that without thinking holy shit. I wanna do that. I wanna hear that. I wanna wear that. I wanna be that. I. WANT.

I'm not even going to talk about my lumpy butt.

THIS. IS. HOT.

But then? Then it’s all over. That’s the peak. That’s the apex. Everything from there on out is downhill. Cherie falls off the deep end—and quite fast might I add. One second she’s exhausted in the shower and the next she’s falling out of an elevator and as a viewer you sit there and go…. what?

Perhaps one of my favorite Kristen moments in the movie is when she goes crazy in the recording studio when Cherie is being a selfish bitch. Her anger and aggression is palpable. That is brilliant acting. You are so angry, as a viewer, at the situation that you wish she would’ve thrown the chair at Cherie and not the glass. Kristen blew me away in that moment, and she has said over and over that she connected with Joan’s aggression. Why yes you did Ms. Stewart, yes you did.

Everything from there on out goes to hell in a hand basket, but I want to mention one scene. Cherie goes to the grocery store and tries to buy a bottle of liquor and an onion and gets rejected, but the liquor and onion? THAT IS THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS. Tell me you haven’t had nights/days like that? Please. I laughed my ass off.

THIS!

The end of the movie defo has a cheese factor, like in a big way, buuuuut the sap in me lurved it. And they all lived happily ever after.

Exactly where can I GET THIS COAT!?

Shoulder pads? YES.

So those are my thoughts on the movie, but this is a KStew ‘blog’ so we also need to talk KStew… well Joan first. Joan Jett is a pioneer… plain and simple. To be the FIRST to do something is unbelievable, and yet she is so very humble about her impact on the world of rock ‘n’ roll and women as a whole. Kristen has always said she couldn’t have done the movie had Joan not been there. I hate when you see movies where actors play real life people and you think that is so not what they were like.

At no point in the movie did I ever feel like Kristen was coming from a disingenuous place in her portrayal of Joan. At no point did I think that she was doing the brand that is Joan Jett a disservice. At no point did I think Kristen was not the best person on the entire earth to play Joan. She nailed it on every level of the movie, and I could gush until I’m blue in the face—but she really was just that good.

'Do I have to play this LEFTY!? Because I cut my fuckin' hair man.'

Joan made sure of it, as well. The best thing to come out of the junket was the line. You know the line. Of COURSE you know the line.

Q: What was it like putting that…I mean a rock and roll electric guitar. It’s a great big phallic symbol. What was it like sort of strapping that on?

Kristen: No, totally in fact, like I don’t know if I can say this…whatever you can use it or not…well like her biggest…whenever I wasn’t coming from the right place, she was always like Kristen, pussy to the wood. Fuck your guitar. I was like okay. So like when you’ve got Joan Jett telling you to fuck your guitar, yeah, it’s all good. I liked it.

Excuse me while I pick myself up off of the ground.

Pussy to the wood. Fuck. Your. Guitar.

Oh mah gawd.

Listen, I’ve had my fair share of times where I’ve put wood to my pussy, but never once did it involve a guitar and Joan Jett. [WHAAAA YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! Ya-huh I did!] If Joan Jett ever said those words to me I would pass the fuck out. The Queen of Badass is asking you to fuck your guitar? YES. A MILLION TIMES YES.

“So like when you’ve got Joan Jett telling you to fuck your guitar, yeah, it’s all good.” I’d say so, Kristen.

so THAT'S how you do it!

The underlying message of this movie is nothing short of inspiring. The story of The Runaways is a very relatable one. A struggle. Success. Choices. Failure. And piecing things back together. That is life in a nutshell. It’s good until it’s not good any more, but once you hit the bottom the only way you can go is up.

Kristen’s unwavering indifference to the Hollywood scene mimics that of Jett’s. THAT is what makes her so believable and perfect for this part—because it’s not a stretch of the imagination to see that these girls are so very much alike in the best kind of way.

There was a line at the end of the movie that Kim Fowley said, and it reminded me of Her Holiness and why I think she’s the bomb:

“I hate rock n’ roll. I hate

Hollywood. I hate the whole process

of rape that is making it in show

biz today. I am a quiet, sensitive

type who can appreciate Mahler and

Beethoven.

Great rock n’ roll

comes from torment.”

Great movies come from great acting, and Kristen Stewart destroyed the part of Joan Jett.

Wait, Twihards are mad about my hair?

*sinks on the ground and looks as if she could cry*

Because she was an impeccable Joan Jett, KStew is better than you.

All KStew stills courtesy of Kristen Stewart Fan

All DFann stills courtesy of Wonderful Dakota

[A/N: First thing is I want to give a HUGE shout out to my girl Buff_82 for creating my KStew celebratory background/avi/banner and the superior graphics that were displayed above/below. We all know I’m literally retarded when it comes to photoshop, so I’m certain the readers thank you for not having to look at my debauchery. Infinite thanks to you.

I would love to say I’m going to see the movie tonight, as I have encouraged all of you, but I’m not. In the summer I went to a fundraiser type thing and gave 20 bucks to a raffle and ended up winning a weekend at Mohegan Sun in Connecticut. That was 9 months ago. NINE Shit, I could’ve had a baby in that amount of time! Apparently my weekend is this weekend so I shall make the drive to the wonderful state of Connecticut. As all of you are glued to the big screen, I will be gambling away all of my money. I will, however, see The Runaways again because it was that good. I encourage you all to run to your theaters and see this movie. Because Kristen has given us so much, here’s our chance to give back. To those of you who will be viewing it for the first time let me know what you think. I decided to make KStew’s birthday into two days because let’s face it—we all have ‘birthday weekends’. I love you all more than my luggage. Until tomorrow—]

Here’s to wishing KStew a great year full of health, wealth and happiness.