Nomination Domination

Let’s all try to keep our cool today, okay? Before I begin writing I want to make something very clear. When I refer to Twihards or The Twilight Nation in this post I am referencing 13-year-old girls who pine over their movie companions. I’m talking CRASSY. Mmk?

I’ve wanted to talk about this forever and then some, but there was never any reason to bring it up. Now that I think about it, I needn’t incentive to talk about something because I run this show. Regardless this was a perfect platform—like the heavens above opened up and said: Here CC, spew your ridiculous thoughts across the internet for all to see. Thank you heavens, I think I will. I’m diving in head on:

Blue. Balls. [pls excuse the horrible quality of this but it was very hard to find a version of this i could embed]

If this is not on your list of Biggest-Blue-Balls-Ever/Best-Almost-Kiss-In-The-World moments then you are an IDIOT. [I know I’m bound to get mail from a Crazy that is all ‘You're honestly calling me an idiot? Just because I don’t agree with you that makes me an idiot? I’m not an idiot. Don’t use the word idiot it makes you seem stupid. Then again you are stupid.’ I’ll answer this e-mail now: Guess what? Idiot is one of my favorite words in the entire world so deal with it.]

You only need the first 30 seconds of this.

I liked how she said in this video, post vasocongestion (yes... that is a real word), “Yeah I was like I’m not going to kiss you. That was my big idea.” I likey the way you think. That was sexy.

Truth be told I think I’ve seen the R&K Best Kiss win almost as much as I’ve seen this [which is, IMO, the best ever]:

Best. Ever.

Remember when you were younger, in like 2^nd grade, and your homework was to go home and ask your parents where they were when JKF was shot? For my kids the question should be: where were you when the greatest Best Kiss Award EVER was received? Me? My response? I was personally dead on my floor. That shit is HOT.

Me dead on the ground... in rug form... Don't judge me!

Rob and Kristen defo come in a close second and they didn’t even kiss! That sex is on fire.

So then yesterday the options for the nominees for the MTV Movie Awards come out followed closely by the claws. I love this stuff. My mother always told me growing up that I was a ‘shit stirrer.’ Aw, thanks mom! It’s my favorite brand of crazy or my own personal brand of heroin, if you will.

Before I begin to talk about this topic I want to make it VERY CLEAR that I understand this was a vote to see who the nominees would be. That being said, I say with great conviction that if a Twilight star’s name is in a category, I believe they will make it to being a nominee.

Back to the now. There is a war over Best Kiss. This year in the Best Kiss category our beloved Robsten are paired with other partners and one another. I want to break this down.

Robert Pattinson and Emilie de Ravin in Remember Me:

I took it easy on you guys as not to get shittons of hate mail.

I saw this movie and I cried. If you didn’t walk out of it wanting to hug someone or tell someone you love him or her then I don’t even know. You’re fucked. I also liked this movie because instead of forming a barricade around Emilie’s breast, Rob fucked her… erm… made ‘love’ to her? It was pretty good guys. He had no shirt on. COME ON. It was defo way more risqué than anything Twilight has yet to show us. The issue several people have is that Kristen is not on the receiving end. People are very protective of their Robsten. I can understand that—but what I really think people are worried about is what happens if they win. You have to perform SOMETHING for the audience. It’s the Best Kiss Award law! Oh no! Will Kristen have to watch Rob kiss another girl? Will they break up? Will he use tongue? Oh for the love of god people. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kristen admit to seeing the movie? Well then she knows what it’s like to watch him kiss another girl. I do believe it’s his… job? Calm down everyone... I don't see this being an issue because I don’t think they’re going to win if nominated. The Twilight Nation will NOT stand for that.

Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart (WAHOO!) in New Moon:

This picture gave us such hope. Then we saw the movie and realized

ALL THEY DO IS TALK.

Hm. This is a conundrum. Which kiss are we speaking of? The one outside of Bella’s car when they start groaning uncontrollably even though they didn’t in Twilight? Or the one in Italy [after the most romantic and dramatic scene ever where our hopes were SO high] when the moment is ruined because they decided to talk it out before macking it for .4 seconds only to be interrupted by members of the Volturi? Oh, not that one? Maybe the one where we finally had hope as he knelt beside her bed, and she took his chiseled jaw in her hands and began to kiss him only to pull away to talk something else out? New Moon was the BIGGEST cock tease ever. Eclipse owes us. Breaking Dawn will hopefully bring us to our knees. But New Moon? STOP TALKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND DO IT ALREADY! (Thanks Melissa Rosenberg!) Listen. I think they are wondrous together. But BEST kiss? Not in my opinion. Will they win? Aboslutely. Why? Because they are fucking beautiful together—and The Twilight Nation is behind them. Will I be happy? Well I certainly won’t protest, but only because of what’s to come after. They can’t just not kiss again. They’ve already done that. That’s sooooooooo 2009.

Kristen Stewart (YIPEE!) and Dakota Fanning in The Runaways:

bow-chicka-bow-wow

Okay listen. It is taking every fiber of my being not to shout from the rooftops about this movie. I can’t even think straight when I realize we haven’t talked about it yet. A lot of us have in private. If you’ve seen the movie E-MAIL ME SO WE CAN GUSH! One common thread in each of your e-mails (from those who have seen the movie) is that the kiss between these girls was UNDER played. In press they chalk it up to another day at work. Well let me tell you: that kiss was fucking hot so I beg to differ. They are both black figures, red lights illuminated behind them. KStew hovers over a laying down DFann and blows smoke in her mouth and in that moment you are thinking HOLY SHITBALLS THIS IS THE HOTTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. Blink and it’s over. But I don’t give a shit. I thought it was unbelievably erotic (please don't overreact at the use of that word. Thank you.). That has my vote. When you guys get the chance to see a movie let me know what you think.

Okay so to the next category. Best Female. This is funny because Kristen is up against herself. Joan Jett and Bella Swan. We all know I think Joan is better because she is a powerful, independent, REAL person. Joan Jett Kristen should win over Bella Kristen. Kristen plays Bella—but in The Runaways? Kristen IS Joan. I hope JoanKStew makes it to the nomination round. I watched New Moon last night and I kind of like New Moon Bella. Actually, I love her. We’ve talked about this before but I’ll say it again: Movie Bella is not a damsel because Kristen didn’t let her be. If Kristen gets an award for playing Isabella Swan in New Moon then she deserves it because any one who can pull that off deserves an award.

Emulation.

Global superstar? Kristen, Rob and Taylor are nominated. I think Rob will win this one. The Fingers? The Jawporn? The witty sense of humor? Yeah. His face is one of the most recognizable things in the world. Besides, KStew is already Woman of the Year. Please.

[Note: I understand Rob and Taylor are also in the Best Male category. Well, KStew isn’t soooo I’m not talking about it. That being said, I think we all know whom I would vote for. He will most def get the nomination. And I think he will win. I just wish he would win for Remember Me because it was fantastic and I'd love for people to step outside their comfort zones :) ]

Finally closing up Her Holiness’ nominee nominations are two Best Movie mentions for NM and TR. I do believe that New Moon will win over The Runaways if TR makes it to that point. It has The Twilight Nation behind it and that is one powerful group. We are a portion of that group, except we aren’t batshit crazy. Well, I’m crazy, but in a different way. See? I own it. I would love for The Runaways to win, which is why TR has my vote. I’m more of a KStew fan than a Twilight fan and TR shows some acting chops. Real chops. Badass chops. Hot chops. Rock 'n' roll chops.

Oh so many things about this are right.

TR was just a better movie in my opinion. I do feel for the New Moon cast though, and I thought it was endearing when they all were on stage last year. It’s cute that they are all friends and love each other, and I think that their genuine friendships translates quite well through the movies. Also, their genuine disdain as well. The New Moon scene where Rosalie votes no for Bella… any one? Oh sorry. Was that rude? I can’t wait for the Edward/Rosalie hate in Breaking Dawn. It’ll be like real life. Okay I’ll stop now, promise.

Baahahaha. Does this hurt some of you to look at?

Here are my feelings on the entire thing. There is no need to put the war in awards... get over the kiss. I hope the votes will be okay and don't split because there is a very strong contingency behind the non-twi movies involving our beloved Kristen. Some of you guys know that there is a bigger world than Twilight--actually a lot of you know it. It’s absolutely wonderful that Kristen and Rob are potentially nominated outside of the Twilight bubble. Their careers need that, and my god they had a real chance to act in their other movies! We should all be excited that they finally have a chance to talk about something other than Twilight and are more importantly being recognized for it.

But please--naive I am not. Twilight will sweep because Twihards mean business. Fuck, they even successfully drove Nikki Reed out of the country and into hiding! [Did I say I’d stop? Now I really will.]

(Note: I don't actually have anything against NR... but certain things irk me... liiiiiike announcing you have a surprise for KStew's birthday to the press, for instance. Orrrrr the fact that she is literally incapable of pretending she doesn't hate Robert Pattinson. You're an actor... you get paid to play pretend. Thank you.)

Please don’t interpret this incorrectly and take it as me shitting on The Saga because I’m not. I’m saying that I think it’s okay for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to exist outside of Twilight, and it would tickle my fancy if they were rewarded for it. Can't we let the bagillions of dollars The $aga made be enough, and allow for R&K's smaller movies to get some recognition? Truthfully I’d love for The Runaways to make it to the final round, but at the end of the day I just care that KStew is on that list... several times.

One last thing: after reading the nominations I realized something HUGE was missing. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw it wasn’t there. Did any of you read through the categories and have a moment where you shouted, 'WHY THE FUCK WASN’T *insert movie/clip/scene* NOMINATED?' I did.

Can you guess?

WHY IN GOOD GOD’S NAME WAS THIS NOT NOMINATED FOR BIGGEST WTF MOMENT:

By "I'll never let you forget" I LITERALLY meant NEVER.

Allow me:

WHAT

THE

FUCK!?

Now THAT is an award New Moon deserves.

Because she is nominated to be nominated for both Joan and Bella [and will most likely win for one of them], KStew is better than you.

[A/N: At 9:42pm last night my great-grandmother (who we all call bisnonna) passed away at 102 years young. 1-0-2! Hell, I'll be lucky to make it to 50! She was lovely, classy, generous, and one tough bitch. I would tell you that I am devastated, but it would be a lie. Of course I miss her. Of course I love her, but my family was VERY prepared for her passing--and at 102? It was selfish at this point to keep her from heaven. We promised her we wouldn’t mourn her death but rather celebrate her splendor, which is why you will have to forgive me if I cannot post again this week [we can totes still twat], as I will be celebrating bisanonna’s life with my family. I can assure you that condolences are not necessary my lovely people--I really am okay--we are all okay.

Truth be told funerals are always a shitshow in my family. To give you a size reference: I am one of 52 great-grandchildren. It’s loud and drunk and happy. Italian Catholics. Does that mean anything to any of you? I know for a fact it does and we are already chuckling together. My nonna and her siblings are doing fine--as I said we knew this was coming. But there is a 'crisis'. What is that you ask? Well they are flipping the FUCK OUT because of how this coincides with Good Friday and Easter. If they could phone the pope for advice I'm positive they would. I am absolutely certain bisnonna is laughing her ass off at them, as am I. I was lucky enough to say goodbye to her on Sunday afternoon, and some of the last words of wisdom she gave to me were: a good life makes an easy death. Amen bisnonna friend, that it does.

Now that I got that out... I’m sorry if I killed the moment. Time to reVAMP [bahahahah I crack myself up]. Let’s still discuss the nominations of the nominees!!! Who do you want to win for what?

You guys continue to amaze me with your wit, humor and bluntness. I appreciate that you are real humans and not crazy. I know I posted this on twitter but for those of you who didn’t see it--I have to gush. There are several of you who have sent me things in the mail that are just incredible. Yesterday, as I was barreling out of my house, I tripped over a package. I threw it in my car and sped to a meeting in a monsoon. As I was sitting in traffic I opened the package and found this:

This is from one of my favorite people that KSITBU has brought into my life—they very talented JHiggs. THIS is how I know you’re the best fans in all of FandomLand. You are kind and generous and your talents blow me away daily.I mean seriously!? She PAINTED THAT! I can’t draw a straight fucking line. I love you JHiggs... thank you.

I also want to take this opportunity to publicly thank Sarah for making the gnarly new banner that KSIBTU now rocks and the amazing background/avi that I use on twitter. You changed shit constantly for me and you did it with grace. That's why we're getting married. I also want to thank you for writing this fanfic that, in the last chapter, provided one of the most original twists I've read and one that I never saw coming in a million years.

Turns out not only is KStew better than me, but several of you guys are as well. That is one fact of life that I’m more than okay with. Have a LOVELY rest of the week my fellow loyalists! I love ya to pieces!]