I want to RUNAWAY from New Moon... but not really.

Warning: I use fuck 18 different ways in this post. Normally I don't do that. But I'm on vacation. I'm letting my hair down. Deal with it. Let's laugh a little, yeah?

Okay guys. This was the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. Know why? BECAUSE I WENT AND SAW THE RUNAWAYS LAST NIGHT AND MY MIND IS TOO BUSY BEING BLOWN TO FUNCTION. I want to post every thought that has come to my head RIGHT NOW, but I won’t. It’s not because I think it would be unfair to talk about it… because well… this is my mofoin’ blog. I am holding off until KStew’s birthday in hopes that it will inspire some of you who think you can just wait to go and see it. You cannot wait and you will NOT be disappointed. I went with E. She disliked KStew very much because she hates Twilight. After this? She would not shut the fuck up with how incredible she was. In fact, E actually told me [and I have it recorded if you want to hear it] that KStew and Joan have “equal badassedness.”

I'm irritable because I'm pregnant.

Coming from E? FAWGETABOWT IT! That’s the highest of high praises. So please. On April 9. Flock to your theaters, and see the movie because we have SO much to talk about my friends—oh so much.

Let’s retract shall we? When last we spoke it was St. Patrick’s Day. On that day Her Holiness and I were in the same city. For some weird reason our paths never crossed. Damn. I had hope for the next day except she flew out of LGA! WHAAAA?!?!?! Who does that? The silver lining? Continental tweeted me. I didn’t even @ or # them!!! (<- knowing that statement will make sense to a majority of you makes me laugh so hard.) I guess our paths crossing wasn’t meant to be… YET. There are several rumblings of a KSIBTU gathering/shenanigan going down possibly around Eclipse release. We would be where KStew would be and we would all be wearing shirts that say LIES and then she’d obviously come and hang with us because we’re better than all the other fans. (Did I just start another fandom war? Bring it.) We will meet then I suppose.

I digress. Let’s address the Pucci dress, shall we? This was my favorite dress to date. This was young, contemporary, flashy, and it made her chest area look divine.

I chose an above the knee shot. I think we all know WHY.

It wasn’t so much the dress though as it was the hair and make up for me. That was fun, flirty, and age appropriate. Her lips were perfection. It sort of made me want to put on leggings and wear a scrunchie while listening to Cindy Lauper because at the end of the day girls really DO just want to have fun! This look was a 10/10 for me. Hands down.

"... uh yeah.. that crazy bitch is going to start talking about my skin again... isn't she?"

While I was busy loving SoCal the SXSW premiere was going down and I was bombarded with pics from you guys. It was lovely. It was like you were torturing me because I didn’t have a computer, and yet it was comforting because I didn’t need to look further than my tweets to see that dress. It’s why you guys are the best fans in FandomLand. This dress. This dress had a lot of you on your knees praying to Her Holiness and that fucking dress. You know who else was on their knees? Fingers. Fingers can’t take this shit any more and is SO glad promo is over. He’s called Fingers for a reason… yes?

In a recent article KStew was asked to rank how important sex, drugs and rock 'n roll were to her. Her response?

"Well, I mean, I guess drugs would be last on my list. And I guess second would be, um … [Laughs] Oh, god, I should not be doing this right now. [Laughs] Yeah, no, I’m not going to. [Laughs] Drugs are definitely last on the list and the other two are, you know, they’re comparable."

HMMMMM.... WITH A DRESS LIKE THAT?

I loved this look. I love that she’s wearing color on her lips. She has good lips. Women pay to have lips like that. She doesn’t need to. She’s better than you. This dress wasn’t… my favorite. I KNOW, I KNOW! Burn down my house! The color wasn’t my favorite—but I mean seriously? She knocked it out of the park this entire press tour. It’s not even fair how good she’s looked.

Here we are to the meet and potatoes of this post. Yesterday the New Moon DVD was released. There is so much I want to say I cannot even organize my thoughts into a coherent and cohesive statement. I want to start at the beginning.

I DID NOT BUY THE DVD.

But… but… but… WHY!?

1. I’m with people that would not understand my purchase.
2. Even if I bought it on iTunes I wouldn’t have the chance to watch it.
3. I’m on vacation.
4. While on vacation, WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO WATCH THAT DEBAUCHERY AKA THE WHOLE MIDDLE OF THE STORY?

That being said: I’ve seen all the extra scenes etc. I want to start off with this:

FUCK YOU TWILIGHT SAGA/SUMMIT.

Note: the fight is still very much on. Perhaps it’s intensified?

They know they are raping us blind with the 67 versions of the DVD. It’s retarded. Of COURSE we’re going to go out and buy the different copies because what idiot wants to be stuck with the shitty version? Perhaps they think they are deceiving us when we buy a 30 dollar DVD twice. What they should’ve done was make a super-mega-deluxe-crazy-diamond-platinum-end-all-be-all-the-best-you’ve-ever-seen version that included EVERYTHING. They could put that out there for 100 bucks and people would’ve bought it. That version would be convenient and at least we are AWARE that we’re getting fucked over as opposed to pretending they are doing us a favor with all these versions. It doesn’t matter though because we eat right out of their hands. We’re on our knees waiting for them to say blow. Summit likes to mindfuck us. Well. You didn’t really fool any one Summit since we're snatching up all those versions—but perhaps joke is on us. No… I retract that last statement because it is not perhaps.

The joke is on us.

Now to the next. You know what the best part of DVDs are? The extras, of course. You know what I was ITCHING to see? Becoming Jacob. Duh. It was like a buffet. Like the heavens above parted and said, “CC. You seem like you need something to get your blood pumping. Watch this shiteous P.O.S and enjoy.” Well… I extend the same offer to all of you—in fact—I demand it!

"I'm like.. the best arm wrestler everrrr!!!"

Oh wow. Do you know what made me the maddest out of all of this JacobLiesBlack nonsense? The whole idea of this transformation. They made Taylor keep talking about how he transformed both mentally and physically in the movie AND real life and it’s like what? Because you grew abs you are suddenly infinitely more profound and wise? YOU IMPRINT (which the idea of that alone should be plenty) ON A FUCKING EMBRYO. GIVE ME A BREAK. Summit tries to sell this idea to us and it’s completely null and void because we know the kind of fuckery that ensues in Breaking Dawn! Trying to convince me that he’s so much more mature is a moot point because it’s completely annihilated with the entrance of Renesmee.

Some of you may say that’s SM’s fault but it’s not at all. She doesn’t try to tell me about this transformation garbage because it doesn’t matter. It’s a book. We don’t get to get into Jacob Black’s mind in the initial books, and if we could it wouldn’t be this big transformation to this hero. It’d be a self-deprecating kid who is in love with a girl who couldn’t care less about his feelings aka a normal teenager. When SM did allow us into Jacob’s head in BD, the only transformation we witnessed was his transformation into batshit crazy! How come we all pretend that the thing with Renesmee never happens? IT HAPPENS. TEAM JACOB: WAKE UP! PRETTY SOON YOUR TEAM GOES FOR A BABY. A BABY!

For those that approve of imprinting allow me to introduce to you to A BABY.

Kristen seems so genuine when she talks about loving Taylor and it warms my heart. She took him under her wing—that’s a good wing—he should learn from that wing. It is easy to pick him apart but he’s a product of his surroundings. Taylor Lautner did not transform in real life—he grew up. Twilight had to be a sobering experience for all of these kids because Twihards are so intense. Jacob Black didn’t transform Taylor Lautner. Fame transformed Taylor Lautner and he’s doing the best he can. Only in the movie does it matter that he is transformed, and do you know why that is? Because we had to believe he became this big great person so he could replace losing Robert Pattinson’s face [and #Jawporn and voice and everything else that is delicious about him], and neither Taylor Lautner nor Jacob Black accomplished that. The fact that they are yet again trying to shove this real life/movie made transformation down our throat makes me feel so freaking bad for Taylor Lautner. Let the kid be a kid. Let him live! And stop making his friends [Her Holiness] pretend this movie affected his life in any other way then physical and monetary gains. I don’t want to hear any more of this transformation bullshit because that’s exactly what it is: bullshit. It’s not fair to Taylor and it’s not fair to Kristen.

Summit? He grew some fucking muscles, give it a rest.

Glad that we did that. Now let’s discuss a little bit about the lies. Just for a second. I don’t want to beat a dead horse but you guys seem to enjoy telling me about your take on the lies and I think it eases the sting of the lies. Don’t you? What the heck is with Mr. Lautner’s face at this 1:40?

No no silly Jacob! It's not her you're after--it's her EGG!

In your own words Jacob Black, “don’t tempt me.”

What I did love were some of the deleted scenes. Anything Charlie/Bella I adore because Billy Burke is so good at what he does. So is KStew. That makes for good chemistry between actors, which means bearable and somewhat good scenes translating over to the viewers. They kind of pull at my heart strings because he loves his daughter and just wants her to feel better. That's a good dad! A cute dad! Oh Charlie.

Now. There are a lot of funny parts in a lot of these clips. I could sit here and make fun of all of them until I’m blue in the face, but my absolute favorite was this one. I enjoyed this scene a whole lot because KStew was very lighthearted and fun with Taylor in this. That translated very well IMO. But the scene was quickly ruined with sheer absurdity. If you don’t want to waste your time watching the entire thing then hit play. Then hit pause. Let the video load as you prepare yourself. Then go straight to 3:09 and watch it until 3:14 on repeat.

See now in this instance editing was nice to us.

Of all the ridiculous things! If i were those boys that would mortify me. Have you ever watched something and wanted to burry your head in secondhand embarrassment? I winced when I watched it. Almost like when I saw this:

In this instance editing was not nice to us.

HAHAHAH. I’ll never tire of it guys so get used to it.

Perhaps my favorite thing was this tiny part right here:

Woah there Fingers! Watch those hands!

Why? Because it shows that they have fun, that they get along, and that they don’t take it too seriously. A lot of people harp on Kristen Stewart because she is so serious, but in all of these behind the scenes stuff she is always giggling and smiling. That shows two things, the first of which is that she’s having fun. The second thing is that she only shows her cards to those that matter to her. In an industry where everyone wants to a piece of your soul it is KStew’s way of maintaining that certain jena se qua that we all admire so much, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Let's all be honest here. We know I'm going to buy the god damn DVD and it's going to chap.my.ass. But I mean--I love the Saga. We all do. We love to hate on it because it's so easy! But I love it. All of it. I was contemplating giving away a Twilight DVD before the release of Eclipse in remembrance of happier times. I suppose I’d do the same for Breaking Dawn as well because once we get past the wedding and vampire sex… well… what did end up happening after that? I wouldn’t know because I threw my book in the fire and shot myself in the brain hoping for memory loss.

I’m so excited and rejuvenated at the KStew saturation that’s been taking place. After seeing TR I am foaming at the mouth to discuss it with you guys. I’m also so stuck on her steeze lately because she’s getting a definable style, you know? Things she’s worn in the past she wouldn’t wear now because she’s getting into her groove. Hell, she’s still Woman of the Year. The Runaways promotion was a win across the board for our beloved girl, and I suppose from here we can only go up.

.WIN.

It’s hard for me to have just watched a movie like TR and then discuss Twilight. It’s day and night. It’s totally different premises. This is the first movie KStew filmed since the craziness that is Twilight and I’m so glad. I’m SO glad. It’s official that she really can transform [see Summit? THIS is how you use that word properly] into each character role that she takes on. For me, Daniel Radcliffe will always be Harry Potter. But you know what? Kristen Stewart will not always be Bella Swan. She will be Joan Jett. She will be whomever she chooses to play because she’s really flipping good at what she does.

Oh and I don’t want you think that I’m not jazzed for Eclipse because I am. Watching that entire Eclipse teaser made me jumpy—and not only to punch Lies in the face. I think with every Twilight movie KStew is progressively bringing BookBella into a more respectable, likeable, and relatable character.

And be not a fool: only Kristen Stewart would be able to do that.

Because of all of the above—all of it—Kstew is better than you.

All KStew pics are from KStewartFan

[A/N: Been enjoying my time off. California is very kind to me, and those of you who live here take it for granted. Palm trees? Seeing palm trees every day has to make you smile. It makes me smile. I will be leaving for Portland on Tuesday. My sister has our every move mapped out and it involves lots of hiking. I’m outdoorsy, but she is a bit extreme. I think I’ll be posting around Wednesday if I survive the Mount St. Helen adventure. You think I’m kidding? I’m not.

You know what else isn’t a joke? How fabulous you charming people are. After all this time together I’m still amazed with you guys. Have a wonderful beginning of your week my friends and keep being awesome.]