A MoFoin' Leprechaun!

When I was in second grade I had a teacher named Mrs. Gallagher. She was the only teacher that had a piano in her room, and every morning we stood up and sang. Some people hated it, but I loved it. I’ve come to realize that those who are terrible singers cannot get enough of it. GUESS WHO FALLS INTO THAT CATEGORY?! Yours truly. So we’d sing every day and it was kind of cathartic for me… I’d pretend I was on a stage… all eyes on me… I grab the microphone…

Picture me walking up slowly....

I’m kidding actually. BUT we really did sing every day, and every day it was a different Irish song. My favorite, personally, was Macnamara’s Band. It was way fun. Wanna sing together?

Mrs. Gallagher's version was a lot more upbeat. Just sayin'

Know why I shared that pointless story? Because I want to say this:

Have any of you guys ever had this?

Today is a great day. I love St. Patrick’s Day. I love New York City on St. Patrick’s Day. Today is a day where the alcoholics of the world get to pretend like it’s OKAY to be drunk all the time. When I was in High School I would get decked out with my friends, cut class, get drunk on the train, and go to the parade. True Story. If you’ve ever been: it’s fantastic, right? If you never have: DO IT! The energy of the city is addicting today... and I'd like to say intoxicating but we all know that's not the 'energy'.

My real life head from when I was 17.

Clearly my friend was a good photographer. Excellent, no?

I would show you a full body shot but it’s too embarrassing. Let’s just say those antlers were not the only part of my fantastic outfit that got me on the 5 o'clock news that evening. I was decked-the-freak-out. (Don’t go crazy thinking I was a skank. I was just green from head to toe.)

I’m going to switch gears entirely here so stay with me. When I was a freshman in High School there was this DREAMY senior named Trevor Kennedy. Oh-my-LAWD I’m fanning myself just thinking about his scrumptious body and thigh-quiver inducing face. He was all that and a bag of potato chips for sure! My sister is four years older than me so when I got into HS she had just graduated. Because of that her and TK were kind of friends. He was always very nice to me and went out of his way to say hello, which made me the coolest thing since sliced bread amongst my crushin’ girlfriends.

One day he came up to me and said, “Hey I’m going to hit around some golf balls later. You want to come?”

[Note: I grew on the 18^th hole of a golf course. To some of you this proposition sounds like a snooze fest. To me it meant a golf cart. Alone. With TK. It meant watching him pivoting his delicious body around as he swung that 5-iron, and then holding that stance at the end where I could see all of his delectable arm/leg muscles. THIS WAS A WIN.]

I love sharing real life pictures with you guys.

I said yes… perhaps a little too overzealously.

Fast forward and we’re about to tee off. He says, “Do you need help?” I said, “Bitch please you are looking at the 5 time Junior Golf champ. DO I need help. HAHAHAHA!”

Well. I was so nervous that I swung and TOTALLY MISSED. I’m pretty sure I sank 23 inches in that very moment. I took a mulligan and did it again. That time I nailed it. He got up and killed it on his first try. He playfully nudged me and I started laughing.

CC*totally smitten and thus overcompensating aka crushing hard*: “you just got lucky!”

TK*Grabs my arm and pulls me to him. I just about faint at the prospect of this move*: “Sweetheart, you don’t need luck when you’re good.”

The rest of that evening is neither here nor there. The point is—that line has literally stayed with me ever since.

You don’t need luck when you’re good.

Shit that was insightful. He ultimately ended up going to Georgetown. I personally think he deserved it based solely on that line. Why am I telling you this? Today feels like a giant celebration to me. I just want to run outside and hug everyone I see because it’s a beautiful day and the streets are lined with people in green. It’s a day to celebrate and be happy and maybe perhaps get a little lucky ;)

How will we celebrate here? We’re going to discuss how LUCKY we’ve been to watch KStew kill it all week long. Again.

To start off get yourself a shot! Then take it. Then another. Then another. Now let’s continue.

Regis and Kelly went down yesterday morning. I was in the middle of driving. Someone sent me an e-mail about her pants so I clicked the link. Then I wrecked my car [FALSE… but I might as well have]. Remember how I pretended those Burberry pants were second skin? Uhhhhh I rescind that comment entirely. THOSE ARE LITERALLY PAINTED ON HER. Is this a test? A test of our will power? At this point I think she’s mocking us.

I mean I rock pants like that all the time...

in my nightmares...

WHEN I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A COW AND LET EVERYONE SEE MY LUMPY BUTT!

So good it’s almost bad. I couldn’t help but let my mind wander though…. Remember how pissed Chris Weitz was about the yellow pants? And how KStew sent them to him but then told him to burn them? Well… her only demand was that he not wear colored pants any more. A little birdie [aka the voices inside my head] told me that he demanded those pants as well.

Actual convo from last night:

CW: So I saw you on Regis and Kelly…

K: Oh yeah? Cool.

CW: Yeah you did a really great job.

K: Thanks man.

CW: You also looked nice.

K: Yeah Regis liked my pants…

CW: Funny. SO DID I!

K: Chris. No.

CW: K, you said no COLORS. Black isn’t a color. It’s a shade. Remember how I’m a color expert? If you forgot New Moon goes on sale March 20^th! You can buy it just to see the gentle hues.

K: Black is actually a color.

CW: False. Black absorbs all frequencies of light in the visible spectrum producing the color black. The black object does not emit or reflect light.

K: False. Rather, black is the absence of colors. As you mentioned prior, it absorbs all frequencies of light. That means it does not emit any color. If you're in a room with the lights out during the night, you're not seeing black everywhere, you're seeing the absence of light. BOO-YAHHHHHH!!!

CW: It’s an ongoing battle actually. But I’m right.

K: Wrong.

CW: Stop jerking me around. Can I have the pants?

K: * feeling generous because her life has been pretty bomb lately * Fine. But let me see them before you decide to wear them in public, okay?

CW: DEAL! I’m going to rock the shit out of them. Promise.

KStew woke up to this:

Better than the yellow, no?

TextToChris: You know what? We’re just going to do an umbrella rule of no colored OR tight pants. Let’s just do black suit pants that FIT from now own.

Something else I want to touch on is this interview. A really good one. Very animated... but the message is something I dig:

Why? Because it’s very rare that such a young woman is willing to come out and say ‘Hey. This is what’s going on and I think it’s messed up.’ A lot of times girls are too worried that they won’t get work so they stay silent. Thankfully for us Kristen has always been a girl who speaks her mind. Another thing that we’re lucky that happened? The fact that she knows Joan Jett. Joan Jett paved the road for badass women whether you want to believe it or not. To make a rock band when everyone told you no [because you’re a chick] is a big deal. Joan has been more than vocal about her feelings on this topic and I think it’s rather refreshing to see Kristen adopt those sentiments as well. I'm not a feminist by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it's reassuring that someone like Kristen is willing to put it out there and admit that there is still need for improvement, but things have definitely gotten better.

Personally? I want everyone to KICK OPEN THE BOX. Pummel the box. Shatter the ceiling. Do what you whatever the heck you want in life, and do it with pride. One of the things I find most admirable about Kristen is her willingness to stand up for every girl. She's a girl's girl, you know? She won't go and sleep with your best friend's husband [what? where is this coming from? Oh a real life friend of mine who is a WHORE. Girls like that are bad for the female gender everywhere because it cheapens us. KStew is good for the female gender because she's badass.] For some reason, and I’m not sure why, this was one of my favorite Sundance interviews. She was so passionate about this character she played:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

“If you looked at a girl wrong now? I would fly across the room and kill you. I feel so, so, so protective of a thing that certain women have.” That shows that Kristen is a girl’s girl. She’s not trashy or sleazy, she’s real. Oh and did you see her face when she said ‘fly’? I’m pretty sure I shit my pants. She will totally open a can of whup-ass on you. Beware.

Sometimes when I look at famous people I feel like they aren’t even human, you know? Like maybe perhaps their shit doesn’t stink because they sure act like it! I don’t get that feeling from KStew. I’m sure she wipes her ass the same way we all do. Not everyone always has their hair and make up done by professionals. Not everyone shows up to the airport like this:

Was she flying the plane... or....

Some actually have the audacity to show up like this:

OMG SHE'S WEARING THE SHIRT NOW. NOW SHE'S DEFO MARRIED TO MA.

SHIT. NO WAIT IT'S ROBS I HAVE THE PICS TO PROVE IT. AHHHHHHH!!

PS- You all watched this right?

This actually made me LOL. Literally.

I am still laughing. Those paps are good to her. They are very reminiscent of the ones that were taking pictures of her at the Remember Me premiere. “Ohhhh yeahhhhhh baby!” <- Those ones. Let’s recap their words shall we:

“I’ll fall for you. Anything to make you happy. Love that smile. Gorgeous baby.” And at the end he leaves it with, “We love you Kristen.”

They crack me up. Seriously. They were nice, as nice as they could be, and at the end the security guard even was nice enough to say, “Hey guys thanks so much.”

The fall resulted in this:

If that book were a bible this picture would be so much funnier.

So now KStew is in NYC. Weird, SO AM I!!! How lucky is THAT!? This is getting freaky guys. First the Wintour/Troll, then the Monique Lhuillier thing, and NOW we’re in the big apple TOGETHER [read: apart]!? We’re getting so close I can taste it [Note: I am in fact NOT getting close at all for reasons that will be discussed later]. Last night KStew was on Fallon. We were all hoping for a game, but she was only on for a matter of seconds. Nothing too monumental happened. Know why? Well, did you SEE WHAT SHE WAS WEARING?! Profound conversation was just too hard to carry on.

"Hahahah oh BFF. This old thing? It was just hanging around my bag..."

I mean seriously? The back on that think made my eyes go o_0. No games were allowed because had she played a game even REMOTELY close to WhackMeOff HankyPanky… well… this would happen:

Use your..ahem... imaginations.

Here’s what got me though. At the end of the show she disappeared into the sexy NY night without a trace. Some say she’s just that good. That’s far too simple. My explanation is way better and is way more logical (esp on St. Patrick's Day):

KStew is a leprechaun.

'

DUHHHH!!! Why have we not seen this all along?

Apparently the etymology of the word means small body. KStew? Small body? Check.

Since it is St. Pattie’s Day let’s do a little history for a second. The first story of a leprechaun was illustrated in Echtra Fergus mac Leti. The story said that Fergus mac Leti, King of Ulster, fell asleep on the beach and woke to find himself being dragged into the sea by three lúchorpáin. He captures his abductors, who grant him three wishes in exchange for release. Well. KStew grants our wishes all the time!

We wish we could look like this:

Actually one of my favorite shots of her. Ever.

We wish we had skin like that:

*wallows*

But we don’t. Since she’s better than we are we just get to look. That’s cool. I’m down with that.

As history progressed the leprechaun became more ambiguous and mystifying. Legend has it if caught, leprechauns can be forced to reveal the whereabouts of their treasure, but the captor must keep their eyes on the leprechaun every second. If the captor's eyes leave the leprechaun (and he/she often tricks them into looking away), the leprechaun vanishes and all hopes of finding the treasure are lost.

This could be analyzed a million different ways to fit our beloved KStew’s life… like really. Truthfully it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I’m rocking a buzz so profound I am not. Instead let’s say this. KStew is in fact a leprechaun because:

1. KStew doesn’t want your eye contact because she’s better than you so there goes your hopes of that pot of gold.

2.KStew IS tricky!

3. Also there is no hope that LeprechaunStew will spill the beans on the pot o’ gold’s whereabouts because girlfriend can keep a secret!

Alas, the truth comes out!

She escaped Fallon last night because she’s a freaking leprechaun and she is hiding a pot of gold somewhere. How rude/awesome!

You can be sure that tonight she shall appear, I’m guessing sans the pot o’ gold, to rock another red carpet for The Runaways. I want edgy. I want hot. I want typical KStew steeze and we can all be assured that she will deliver. Yet again. And there is no need to wish her luck. Because KStew doesn’t need luck. Ever. Because she really just is that good.

If the acting thing doesn't work out she always has this to fall back on!

On this day that we all get wasted off of green drinks and dress like fools, KStew is better than you because she is a freaking leprechaun and that's awesome.

PS- *ATTENTION*

Welcome to the Rileys is a movie I literally cannot wait to see. It's my number one. Even more than The Runaways. Not only is it Kristen Stewart, but I love me some James Gandolfini because I love me some Sopranos because I love me some True Romance (follow that logic). I got an e-mail asking me to share this with you guys and it is BEYOND my pleasure to encourage you ALL to partake in this Postcard Drive. Go there and check it out, and do it! Really! I'm going to be heading to LA and then Portland within the next 10 days and I fully intend to send them from wherever I go. It's an awesome idea and it's for an amazing cause. You need to realize that YOU [yes you] really do make a difference in the success of this movie. You matter. To me. To them. To Kristen. So let's do this!

All pics are from http://www.kstewartfan.org/gallery, http://www.imnotobsessed.com/, and http://www.edwardandbella.net/

[A/N: LOTS to go over right now. The first is that I have been getting some peculiarly demanding e-mails saying I need to post more frequently. Uh… relax. Please. This is a one-man show, and I have been stretched so thinly this past month you can’t imagine… actually some of you can which is why you stop by this silly blog. We laugh together. We make fun together. I have a life. And a job.

Why was I so busy this week? BECAUSE I’M ABOUT TO FLY TO WARMTH! That entailed me going to NY [check], getting my hair done [check], getting a massage [check], and eating tons of Zabar’s [check]. I wish I could tell you that I’m going to the premiere tonight but that just isn’t so. I’m actually going to see Riverdance [how original is THAT idea dad?] with my family as a little reunion before my departure.

Tomorrow I will be going to JFK and getting the fuck out of the Northeast to LA LA LAND to stay with my bff E! A couple of things are important about this. The first is that perhaps KStew and I will be in the airport at the same time. I fly Continental. Does she? If she does then I will be waiting with bated breath in the presidential lounge as I throw back cocktails. There’s potential people [Note: there is NO potential]. The second is maybe we’ll just run into each other getting out of our limos [Note: I am NOT taking a limo]. On Tuesday I’m flying from Cali to Oregon to visit my sister. I’ll be flying back east on Saturday. Lots of flying. Lots of fun. Don’t worry, I’ll take you along for the ride. Expect a post some time this weekend. Sunday perhaps?

The next thing is that A LOT of you have been e-mailing me to post about Remember Me. Well… this is a KStew blog. Believe it or not whenever I do mention Fingers I get hate mail. Seriously. “What the fuck does he have to do with her?” Well… kinda a lot but whatever. I want to talk about it with you guys because I thought it was powerful. On the other hand I cannot have spoilers running rampant in the comments section that are meant for KStewEnvy. I’m going to think about this one and when I come up with a solution I’ll let you know.

Also something VERY important. I do not understand twitter or this blogspot thing for the life of me, but I think I’m rolling with the punches fairly well. I got an e-mail from someone who said ‘you always say you answer e-mails, but you never answer my tweets.’ FALSE. I ALWAYS answer my e-mails and I will tweet you back to the best of my ability. I went to find said person and I couldn’t see her tweets. Know what I found out? If you have your twitter account private I CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT see the tweets you're sending me. I AM NOT IGNORING YOU! If that is the case, drop me a line and I’ll follow you so we can communicate. I found this revolutionary because it ultimately lead me to find my beloveds Iris and JHiggs. Now the world makes sense again.

Lastly, I want to tell you all just how LUCKY I am that you come here and laugh with me. It is very rare that people have a chance to let it all go during the day, and you provide that. So tonight, as I’m throwing back Shamrocktinis [swear it’s a real thing], I will certainly raise a glass to you, my lovelies, who all have hearts of GOLD. Please drink responsibly [erm… as responsible as you can] today. I love you all far too much. Happy St. Patrick's Day my friends. Here’s to hoping you all get lucky tonight! ;) ]