For those who get IT [which is all of you!]

I’ve written this post a million times. I’ve deleted this post a million times. Why? There’s so much to say. There’s also so little. Confused? Me too! I would love to tell a story like I always do, but I have absolutely nothing I can compare in my lifetime to the Oscars. I’m simply not that good. KStew is better than me, what can I say!

Last night’s Oscars were bananas. A lot of you have contacted me saying Kristen Stewart has effectively divided your relationships with your: mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, nephew, niece, neighbor, plumber, etc. Some said that KStew divided the fandom… AGAIN. Well I say uhhh NO. The fandom has always been divided over Her Holiness. Let people say what they want. Turn your cheek my friends. Or just look at the pictures from last night because then you already know you won!

WTF is this. I mean really.

You know why?

I’ll tell you why.

In this world there are people who will get IT and people who won’t. We’ve discussed IT before. IT is very important when being a KStew fan. If you get IT then you are superior. [I’ve just made millions of people inferior. Is that what KStew feels like on a daily basis? The power is maddening!]

Last night? I got IT. Did you? OF COURSE YOU DID! Last night was epic for me so let us start at the beginning.

I was watching E and enjoying the red carpet. The time was quickly approaching 7:50 and my brain was churning over KStew. WHERE IS SHE!? Then they cut to her and the clouds parted. Angels sang. Did you hear them?

She showed up like this:

THIS.

All I have to say is this:

Thank GOD she covered up those fucking ankles.

BAHAHAHAHAH. Kidding. What I really want to say is: HOLY SHITBALLS SOMEONE GET ME SOME OXYGEN!!! Kristen Stewart could not have nailed it any harder last night if she had tried [take a moment to laugh at the unintended innuendo that can be construed from my words]. Literally. Everyone in the industry is raving about her dress/look because last night she was FLAWLESS. Truthfully, for the first time ever, there are nearly no naysayers on the outfit. Know why? THERE. WAS. NOTHING. BAD. ABOUT. HER. CARPET. LOOK. PERIOD.

Let’s watch this together [because I like doing things with you guys]:

Smiles.


How cute and innocent does she look? So happy to be there. I loved it.

Now let’s watch this together:

I'd def fetal position this one.


She’s adorable. She’s nervous. She’s trying with all her might not to fidget. She's taking deep breaths. SHE’S ORIGINAL. SHE’S AUTHENTIC. SHE. IS. REAL. I loved that. So what if she’s a bit nervous? Wouldn’t you be? She’s at the single biggest night in Hollywood. It’s nerve-wracking! People say Tay Tay LoutLean is way better than her because he’s got it together, but her authenticity is a sign of not being over managed. She’s still Kristen. In a business where people are constantly stripped of themselves, that is reassuring to me.

Let’s talk about that face shall we? She gives GOOD face. Her face is so unbelievably striking. She’s irreproachable. Her freckles are still visible. The make up is not overpowering that lovely face. I literally have no words for it so let’s just look instead:

Unreal. Seriously.

Oh and for a girl that NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER smiles… well…

WEIRD.

Now for the hair. It was perfection. By far my favorite:

It's so right it should be wrong.

And the main event. The dress. Holy shit that dress. That dress is what dreams are made of. But can I get a bit crazy on you guys for a second or two? Thanks. Remember how I went to a few shows at fashion week? REMEMBER HOW I WENT TO MONIQUE LHUILLIER? I REMEMBER! Guys. GUYS. It’s getting a bit ridiculous how close I am getting to KStew. First Anna and the OlsenTroll and now this? Please. It’s a matter of days in my opinion. I want to get on my knees and pray to this dress because holy heaven it is everything it needed to be.

One day she will be there to accept an award. Mark my word.

Confession: I disliked her New Moon look. It wasn’t her, in my opinion, and it was far too much. I feared the KStewGownage after that.

Eh.

Last night? BLEW. MY. MIND. For a tiny girl, this dress made her look curvaceous and flawless, and the deep blue made her skin look unbelievably perfect in all its ivory glory [I need a moment to sulk over the blotchiness of my pale skin. :…moment…: Thank you]. The other thing I loved about the dress is I believed it. I didn’t believe Oscar on her, but I believed this. She seemed comfortable in her skin in this gown and that is very important. It was classy, but yet it was still young enough and contemporary.

The only point of contention I heard about her look was that people wanted more jewelry. I didn’t. That would’ve made it inauthentic to me. Also, uhhh that bracelet was nothing to stick your nose up at. I’d like to see any one of us afford that bracelet. OH WAIT NORMAL HUMANS CANNOT. You’re welcome for that clarification.

It's not big enough. We want MORE.

So. After the pictures flooded the web we all watched the Oscars. Some fell asleep. Others drank :raises hand:. Others waited with baited breath. The moment finally arrived.

I mean seriously? Perfection.

Tay Tay LautLean and KStew come walking out on the stage. They presented a horror montage. Why? People thought, What the fuck was that? I loved it. Know why? [A couple of you thought of me when you saw it and e-mailed me, and I can say I laughed my ass off.]

Some of you may think it was because KStew and LautLean were up there so they included NM out of obligation. No, no my friends. Some of you don’t know why it was in that piece at all. This is what my mom calls a ‘teaching moment’. I’ll take this as a moment to clarify for all of you.

NEW MOON WAS IN THE HORROR MONTAGE BECAUSE THIS:

I promised you...PROMISED YOU I'd never let you forget this. I WON't!

AND THIS:

Lies.

WERE FUCKING HORRIBLE AND DOWN RIGHT TERRIFYING. You’re welcome for that lesson.

Now let’s watch the clip:

Uh oh. Did you see what I saw?!?!?!?!

LautLean starts and he was full of his cheese. BRAVA to him because he is very articulate. KStew talks and you can see her trying to keep her hands behind her back as to appease Adam Shankman. But then…. THEN… THEN KSTEW DOES THE UN-FUCKING-THINKABLE.

She blinked.

And then she breathed.

PUT HER ON THE CROSS. LIGHT THE TORCHES. FIND HER HOUSE AND SET IT ABLAZE. PULL HER HAIR. SKIN HER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! What a whore for doing that. Breathing AND blinking? I mean seriously. How inconsiderate. She must be a drug addict. She must be drunk. She must be a low life. She must be a bitch. She needs a shower. She needs to smile. She needs to shut the fuck up. She needs to not fidget. She needs to speak clearly—she’s at the fucking Oscars for crying out loud! [That was a satire. You get that, right? We all know what I'm REALLY talking about, right?]

I will only address the ugly souls this once in this post bc I believe we should celebrate last night, and we shall move on immediately: You need to HUSH. YOUR. LIPS. She was nervous. She’s NOT Hollywood and she doesn’t pretend to be. If you can do better than that then do it. But waittttttttt there’s that red tape that says you weren’t invited and never will be. Weird.

On a night when this happened:

I nearly cried like a fucking baby. You go Kathryn, you go.

And this happened:

One of the best speeches given. So humble. So beautiful.

You’re going to harp on a cough over the shoulder?

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

I can't even waist my time guys. I can't. We're better than this.

Moving on. I want to take a moment to bask in the LautLean:

yyyeeeaaahhhhhhh......

Thank you.

Now let’s after party a bit, no? She went to Vanity Fair. GOOD! Hot ass party for a hot ass girl! I personally have to thank Vanity Fair for bringing me to Kristen Stewart. They are the reason that I realized she was one of the coolest young chicks out there. I owe them everything. It was a full circle moment to me. [Am I being overly sentimental? That photo shoot has a very special place in my heart!]

At this point she's just taunting us.

She hung out with Julliane Moore, Vera Wang, Evan Lysacek, and Jodie Foster to name a few. All of the pictures of her from VF look as if she's having a ball. She should be! And looky here, Kristen met up with Anjelica Huston. Why am I telling you this? Because Wes Anderson owns my ass and Anjelica's in a lot of his films. This sort of made me beam with happiness.

Her dress looks unbelievable in this shot.

There is simply nothing else I can say that I haven’t already said. I could sit here and gush for hours, but that would just be unnecessary. For those of us that get IT last night was a feather in our caps. KStew stepped up to the plate and played hardball with Hollywood’s elites and she knocked it out of the park. Flawless on all accounts.

It’s okay if some of you guys are hung up on her Oscar night though, really. It doesn’t make you a bad fan. It doesn't mean you don't love her. Let's talk about this for a moment.

Truthfully her 'job' at the Oscars blew. She was presenting a montage. MONTAGES ARE THE BAIN OF MY EXISTENCE. They make no sense and take up time. This montage happened to make sense because it showed how Bella/Jacob were horribly terrifying, but in general they don’t have any real place in that show. It’s okay to be uncertain about things guys. We’re all human.

Look at it from this perspective: I could die my hair brown. I could put in brown contacts. I could go to the tanning bed. I could start wearing sneakers. I could only wear gold jewelry. I could listen to that shit they call ‘music’ on the radio. I could start watching The Bachelor. I could do all of those things to appease various people but it wouldn’t be me. I would never change me on account of someone else, and I would hope that those who matter wouldn't want me to.

Sure Kristen could stand up straighter. Yes she could stop fidgeting [it's the Oscars for crying out loud!]. She could stop stuttering. She could annunciate. She could girl-it-up a little. She could absolutely stop touching her hair. She could smile just a wee-bit more. But that’s not her. And I don’t want her to change because I don’t want her to lose that edge that makes her such a badass. Because at the end of the day that’s what she is: badass.

K: "Who?"..." CC?"..." NO! DO NOT LET HER IN!"

Oh and she's also still just a kid. At the Oscars. Who did amazingly well, as we all agree.

T: "I know you're sleepy. Here. I'll hold your head up with my finger!"

For me last night showed that she was real. That she was human. That she has nerves. That she can wear a gown with the likes of Vera Farmiga and look stunning. That she is original. That amongst all the chaos that is now her life she is still able to be classic Kristen. That she is authentic.

But most of all it showed me that Kristen Stewart is a force to be reckoned with, and she is here to stay. And with that notion? I am A-O-K.

Perhaps my favorite pic of the night. Her innocence and humility is tangible.

So let's take a day to bask in the awesomeness that was last night. Because don't be mistaken: last night was awesome.

Because of all of the above, KStew is better than you.

All KStew pictures are from KStewartFans, KStewartFan and KStewartSource

[A/N: Some of you got caught up on the drama yesterday. I touched on it briefly but not really because I could literally care less. Let's not harp on it at all. Let's focus on the OUTFIT and the FACE. Let's also focus on how New Moon was a horror movie as well. Last night was a win, plain and simple!

I didn't expect to post until Tuesday but It's a busy week through Wednesday for me. Look out for Thursday postage (I think). Thank you again for all the birthday wishes. You guys continue to amaze me--yet I'm not sure why I'm still amazed. We're becoming great friends all of us here, and I like it. This is a happy place to adore the Stew thanks to you guys. Have a wonderful week and I'll be talkin' to you chicas soon!]