Oscar hungover and grouchy--BANNED

Brought to you by KStew411

"It’s crusty today and I’m trying to keep a lid on it. The Oscars always bring out my crusty bitch. The show is too long, too smug, too self-congratulatory. Forty-five minutes in and I was doing SHOUTY CAPITALS all over twitter. The broadcast drives me nuts. It’s too much. Just…please cut some of that stuff out and make it shorter. Be like the BAFTAs, sleek and fast and elegant. But no. It’s the Oscars. It’s the ceremony that never ends. Add to that the ridiculous haggishness that followed Kristen Stewart’s throat clearing and I was snapping pencils with my teeth. Here’s the thing about KStew. Like her or dislike her, you know who she is. The awkwardness, the occasional shyness, the bitchface, the lip biting, the eye rolling, the finger twiddling, the incomplete sentences and those moments when she delivers a completed thought and you think, “Yeah, I could be friends with her”—it’s all 100% pure unadulterated KStew. You know her. You may not like her, you may think she could act better, but you know her.

Taylor Lautner, I do not know.

This has been the topic of conversation around me today, and not just in my fake job. It’s at my real job, too. I’ve heard this all day long, and I heard it all night last night, as well.

Plastic.

Manufactured.

Robotic.

Programmed.

Is he even a real boy?

The answer is no. Taylor Lautner is a machine. He is a money-maker. He is eighteen years old and he is responsible for his family. Love the Stew’fam or not, the Stew’rents never made Kristen their bread winner. They kept working even as Kristen’s salary crept closer and closer to, then finally topping, one million dollars a film. But Lautner, like so many before him, is a product. A product his parents are selling.

And this is nothing against Taylor Lautner—I like him. He is affable, and charming, and seems genuinely nice. But I fear for him. I fear because of the whispers of “Kit Culkin,” that follow in his father’s wake, for the accusations of “sealed off,” and “too protected” that surround him. Always Taylor is with adults. Where are his friends? It’s a common question. At least he seems to be genuinely friendly with Kristen. They joke around together, and when making public appearances you can often see Taylor helping smooth Kristen’s rougher edges. Finishing her thoughts when she trails off, exerting a calming influence on her fidgeting, escorting her down stairs in her long dresses, there’s a real gentlemanly quality to him despite his young age. Good manners can’t be faked, and Taylor Lautner has good manners. To Taylor’s and his family’s credit he also does not have the obvious sense of entitlement as that is so distasteful in Miley Cyrus. He recognizes that he must work, and work hard, to achieve. He is dedicated to working. Too dedicated?

Because even if you don’t like her, you know Kristen cuts loose. We’ve all seen it. There’s no need to detail it. You know to what I am referring. You might not like it—in fact, you shouldn’t. I don’t. It’s one of the few things I would change about her—not the doing, just the method. But at least she does. She goes out with her friends, with her brothers, and she relaxes. She chills. She acts her age. She runs the risk of public disapprobation in favor of having a little fun. You might not like it, but at least it’s real. It’s a sign that there’s more to her than the job. There’s a life there. A real one, one that doesn’t involve constant negotiations and image counseling and a dozen handlers just to go to the gym.

And she brings this sense of reality to her public appearances. I do think she’s getting better. Twilight press seemed pretty rough, so she comes to New Moon more willing to talk, to joke, to tell anecdotes. Criticized for slumping at the BAFTAs, you could see her making a conscious effort to keep her back straight at the Oscars. There’s a willingness to improve the public persona as much as there is an unwillingness to sacrifice her real self so we’ll all like her better. She will continue to improve, but she will never be the plastic idea of perfection that Taylor has already nailed down. She will just be herself. Love her or hate her, Kristen Stewart will always be real. And you will know her."

Big ups to #411 for laying it out there! What are your thoughts my friends?

[Oh lawdy what did we have here? A surprise for you loyalists indeed! It’s like Sharing Saturday on a Tuesday. I started reading EP last night (by KhariZZmatiK) at 1am. My whole day has been fucked because of it. I can’t function right now because all I want to do is FREE BELLA and GET THAT FUCKING CHIP OUT, but this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Several of you asked. Ask and you shall receive.

KStew411 has been graciously bringing you all things KStew [and some other fun tidbits] for a while now. We all know #411 can bring the snark and perhaps this time it was a bit much for mainstream media. Thankfully we here at kstewisbetterthanu have NO rules and NO filters so we’re embracing #411 with open arms. So here's to you #411! Thanks for sharing!]