Valentine's Day: A HAIRY Holiday for Most & The Tale of CC's EPIC FAIL of a Relationship

It’s Valentine’s Day. I love you guys. I’ll share why Valentine’s Day doesn’t ALWAYS ROCK when you have a Valentine, and I’ll somehow tie that into KStew bc that’s how we roll here.

This is how I feel about you guys. I'd sing this to you. IN that outfit. PS- She has FLY hair.

I have a complicated love life, don’t we all? I promised yesterday that I’d talk about me. You guys hold me to my promises. Since we’re friends I’m going to divulge the part of my life that gives me the BIGGEST FUCKING HEADACHE KNOWN TO MANKIND aka my boyfriend. This next portion is to make those of you who have a significant other appreciate them more, and those of you who don’t feel better that some of us that do are miserable. I’m going to put up a diagram. Open it in another window. Make it small. Look at it as you read to follow along. [I like complicating simple matters.]

P, J, and R are boys. E, M and Yours truly are females. This is our happy friendships at 13.

I’ve known E since we were two. She’s like my sister. I don’t remember my life without her in it. Everyone else we picked up along the way and since we were 13 the 6 of us have literally done everything together. We’ve actually seen the world together. Out of all of us I was closest with E and closest with R. R was my go to guy. Now. I’m going to add a line connecting two new people. Ready for it?

Oh CC, if you had JUST closed your legs this would've been a LOT easier.

This is us at 18. UH OH. Do you SEE the complication? I started dating my best friend’s brother. [I know, I broke the code. I’m a whore. I KNOW.] When there is a group of solid friends and two of them choose to cross the line things can never go back—ever. I found out later that his brother R really liked me for years—well if that wasn’t a bitch slap I don’t know what is. Hey you've been my best friend for a while but I'm gonna do your brother instead. R ended up moving, we all went to college all over the country, but we were still good friends.

When we were 19, our lives were turned upside fucking down and we were forced to rally. One of our own was fighting for their life and R did not care. It hurt me. A lot. I let him have a piece of my mind.

That was the last time R and I talked. P and I are dating. Do you see the issue? THEY ARE FUCKING BROTHERS AND I WISHED DEATH ON MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER! That strains a relationship, no? I love R. I miss R. R is now engaged to a beautiful girl and I was invited to his wedding—the same day my sister graduates from Grad School. Can’t make the wedding.

Three weeks ago P, M, E, J and myself were away skiing. P was drinking a lot with J. I hate when he drinks. He becomes annoying. To make a long story short we DUKED IT OUT in front of EVERYONE and he dumped me. In front of all of our friends. I said fine fuck you too. The next morning he cried on my lap saying he was sorry. I took him back. It was the first time in all the years we had been together that we broke up [don't feel bad for me. I egged it on. I'm a mega bitch.]

That was me.

Now? I resent him. The situation makes me sick to my stomach. I was mortified in front of my friends, in front of OUR friends of years—and I can’t deal guys. I can’t! He’s a good guy, in fact he’s the best guy, but is he the right guy for me? Probably not. But we’re in this tight group of friends and when we go our separate ways [because we will] our friends will have to choose. I don’t want to do that to him. Also, my family loves him more than they love me. Our lives are SO fucking intertwined. It’s all so very complicated.

I want my mommy.

Why did I tell you this? [sorry if I bored you] Because Valentine’s Day caters to two groups of people. People who love it because they have someone they love, or people who hate it because it is a fake holiday and they don’t. For those of you who don’t have a Valentine allow me to let you in on a little secret, there are a number of us who have ones who DON’T WANT THEM. You don’t have a Valentine?? TAKE MINE!

I bet Kristen Stewart doesn’t deal with this shit on Valentine’s Day, or in life in general. You know why? Because she’s better than me. She would never fucking do what I did. When she dates a guy in a group of close friends and they break up she walks away and gets new ones *Enter BritPack*. [Nikki Reed is still FUMING. She literally cannot hide how bitter she is, and it makes me giggle. She took the high road and left the country *cough was told to leave cough*. Smart. Very smart.]

"Yeah well it's OK that she didn't show up to my birthday party... I'm not mad..."

Okay so it’s Valentine’s Day. Think about what you love the MOST about KStew. In the first post of this blog I gave a few reasons, all of which I’ll expand on at a later date, but one of which I’ll address today. Today? Today I’m going to talk about hair. Hair CC?

YES, LOYALISTS, HAIR! Can I tell you why?

Let’s talk about me again for a moment. Yesterday P came over and brought me these:

I'm virtually sharing these with you. P gave them to ALL of us!

And a card and some other stuff. We had a good time. Went out to dinner and then a bar met up with friends and what not. We couldn’t hang out tonight because he had to go away—that was fine with me. Morning went well, but then? As he was leaving? THE SHIT HIT THE FAN! And in the middle of him screaming about who even knows what I started laughing. Have you ever done that? Laughed at the most inopportune time? I did that today and do you know what he did? He lost it.

“You think everything is a big FUCKING joke! This is real life CC! Fuck! Open your eyes!” He looked down and shook his head as his face grew visibly red. Then he extended his arm and pulled something I couldn't see off of his fleece, “and your fucking hair is on EVERYTHING I OWN. YOU LOSE TOO MUCH FUCKING HAIR. I’VE BEEN HERE FOR 24 HOURS AND MY FLEECE IS COVERED. CUT YOUR HAIR OR PUT IT IN A BUN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.”

I was taken back.

I just tell you that the harder you hang onto this relationship the more I’m going to pull away, and you yell at me about the fact that my long blond strands are on everything I own? And you want me to cut my hair?

Perfection.

So I laughed a little more. Hair is a talking point. People feel like they are emotionally invested in your hair. I love my hair. I can’t cut it very short. I’m insecure without it. But Kristen? She is fearless. She is so much better than I am because she can get a mullet and fucking ROCK IT.

She was portraying the American sweetheart: Bella Swan. She had to have that much talked about hair and then BAM:

Wait... your curly locks are under that... right?.. RIGHT?!?!?!??!

Epic. I said in my initial post—the boards BLEW THE FUCK UP! People were going crassy over this because well… wigs don’t exist right? That was Taylor’s hair all along, no?

I read into this because it was a phenomena to me. So many people have an interest in her hair. SO many. I read a quote I that spoke about KStew idolizing Joan Jett and how she was badass. The writer retorted with, “Point taken, although being a badass does not have to equal ugly hair.”

"Yea i get it. This mug is shaped weird. Whatever."

Hmm… having a mouth doesn’t equal the right to open it. Have you ever been to a halloween store and seen those white trash mullet wigs? Okay well Joan Jett doesn’t deserve that because her hair wasn’t ugly. It was iconic. If you cannot appreciate that because a FICTIONAL character’s hair is more important? Ugh. I’m grossed out. I can't even continue to address that. Go look at your fucking movie companion.

At comic con the SHIZZLE HIT THE FANNNN because well, she’s not Joan Jett there—she’s Bella Swan! Doe eyed Bella Swan! Bella swan does NOT have black greasy mullet hair. Yeah? Well Kristen Stewart does. Suck it. ‘But it’s just so greasy…’ A) it’s Joan Jett hair and b) it's not really greasy it's just how it falls. I can’t say it enough. Why try to make it look like something it’s not? EMBRACE IT. LOVE IT. LIVE IT. And as you guys know, the most important thing to me… OWN IT.

I'd rather pick my face then talk about Bella.

At the end of the day, it’s hair. It grows back. This past weekend she went to that thing for Haiti [wow, I’m a bit vague, no? You guys know what I’m talking about though] and the reaction was ‘she didn’t smile’ and ‘wow she could’ve done her hair.’

I kinda think she's beautiful. I think her hair looks bomb.

What the fuck can you do with that hair, seriously, other than embrace it? It’s growing. Just wait. Just get over it. The hair wasn't beautiful by any stretch of the imagination but a lot of famous people have terrible hair and they are TRYING. She wasn't trying folks and she trumped 99% of the actresses out there. When she does get her hair done up all fancy (ie press and stuff) she looks gnarly!

The problem everyone has with Kristen Stewart’s hair is that she refuses to do it like YOU want her to. She throws it up in a little knobby ponytail and calls it a day. That’s down to earth. That’s an example of not trying too hard. I can dig that, can’t you?

Any mega-actress who is willing to flip a bird to a franchise that has made her a millionaire is someone that is my hero. I have said it before and I’ll say it again, Joan Jett >>>>>>> Bella Swan. Joan is a real person. Bella is someone in a book. KStew was willing to cut off something we are all so protective over for the sake of art without thinking twice. That’s dedication. That, my valentines, is LOVE. I wish I loved ONE THING enough on this earth to dye my hair black and get a mullet. Do you?

I deem this a WIN!

She doesn’t care. SHE. DOESN’T. CARE. So no one else should. It’s a bit ridiculous that I’m defending that she cut her fucking hair, I mean seriously. Hair. HAIR! How vain is that? But that’s the point, my loyalists. She’s not vain! She doesn’t try all too hard! And she looked flipping beautiful! Those who say she’s ugly are blind because my GOD no hair could ever distort that face [ie. THAT SKIN!].

My hair doesn't look like that when i pin it back. And i don't have a mullet. Fuck me.

Truth be told I don't give a fuck about how her hair looks. I like her for her. And truth be told she doesn't give a fuck what YOU think about her hair. And I love that. On this day of love I FUCKING LOVE THAT.

Because Kristen Stewart DID cut her hair off and proceeded to ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF IT, KStew is, as always, better than YOU.

{All the beautiful pix of KStew are courtesy of kstewartfan.org-- check out their galleries!}

PS- I asked you guys who you thought KStew's valentine would be [sans Jawporn] and the two clear winners were Jella [her kitty] and Guillermo [from Jimmy Kimmel]. My personal favorites were Dakota Fanning [bye bye Nikki Reed!], Ryan Gosling [which this universe couldn't handle] and lastly, my personal fav, Bob Barker.

[A/N: I hope you enjoyed my story. I enjoyed telling you guys how I fail in my every day life lol. I love your tweets. I love your e-mails. I think almost all of you can attest to the fact that I actually answer you! You guys are gnarly. I love you. We'll continue to rock this thing. Happy Valentine's Day my KStewloyalists. I LOVE YOU.]