PLURAL! VaginaS!!!

OMG I literally CANNOT WAIT for Glee to come back in April. It's everything that is right with the world.

Did that video say it all, or do you want me to expand? The latter? Okay. There’s this thing, let’s call it Anonybitch, who has the audacity to come to OUR lovefest and tell me that I’m sexist. I have a few things to say to Anonybitch. The first is, FUCK YOU. The second is one of us—and I’m betting it’s me—doubled majored in college. One of our [my] degrees may have been [is] in Women’s Studies from one of the top… I think 16 schools in the country. SEXIST MY ASS! This is for fun. If you can’t stand the sound of… uh oh… I’m gonna do it… ROBERT PATTINSON’S name then please go away. We love him. He’s hot. He has long fingers. He has jawporn. He gives good face.

I stewed over this for a while [received delightful tweet twat twits and e-mails from you lovers] and decided if you cannot beat them, join them! A lot of people ignore their haters thinking they aren’t worth it. That is not me. I love them. Haterade rots the soul and I love watching people rot—it’s the sadist in me really. Today I will make this post, in honor of St. Valentine [and you Anonybitch], ALL ABOUT RPattz and Kstew (But MOSTLY RPattz) cause I can and because Anonybitch is going to LOSE ITS SHIT over this. *waves* [Note how I didn’t assign Anonybitch a gender? It’s the women’s studies in me. muhahahahahah] .

I don't see anything wrong with this ad. Anything.

PSA: I’ll be crossing many lines today in the name of good fun please note the sarcasm through out. IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF LIKE… 18… PLEASE STOP READING. THERE WILL BE NUDIE PIX. SERIOUSLY. Thank you.

Are you ready to have some fun loyalists??

K: "I know, I know, my ring is crooked. Look!"

It’s Valentine’s Day and I want to objectify the HELL out of Robert Pattinson because my GOD I wish he was mine--but I won't entirely. (Yes folks, that right there is jeal-ous-y at its finest—it’s okay people. Own it... OWN IT) As we all know by now, his Details pictures are out and my GOD I want to lay in a tub and have him next to me like that.

R: "Yeah... I've seen a girl in a bathtub already. Have you heard of the Runaways? Check out the trailer..."

It’s the article though—you know—the article. And you know that I’m about to talk about it so let’s say the word together to get it out there and then let’s talk. VAGINA. V.A.G.I.N.A. V-A-G-I-N-A. [Is this getting too filthy for you? I apologize. If it is, please stop reading now.] MFH [My Future Husband] said, “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina.”

R: "I said WHAT? Have you seen these fingers?"

WOW. What? Does this mean he’s gay? Does he not date KStew? Does this mean he’s a beard or she’s a beard or he shaved his beard? What’s a beard? [Note: I promise this will come back to KStew but Anonybitch deserves to squirm] Do they not do IT? Does he really hate vaginas?

English boy said WHAAAAAA??????

Not too many people love vaginas, I mean they aren’t anything special to look at, let’s get real. However, I’m 99.99999999% sure [my second degree wasn’t in telepathy, or statistics] that he was referring to the fact that there were shittons of naked women around and he wasn’t necessarily fond of that. [Q: but how do you know cc? A: The following line says, “But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours.”] He didn’t come out screaming ‘I HATE VAGINAS!’

Now, that was a simple answer [and the correct one most likely], but far too boring. Far, FAR too boring. ALLOW ME to clarify the misunderstanding. What he was REALLY saying was “I really hate vaginaS!” (PLURAL!!) Well yeah—who wants to see a girl with more than one vagina!? Not I. Not I. Also, you should only love one vagina at a time because if you love multiple vaginas that is known as CHEATING and or a MAN WHORE [Neither of which MFH is thank you]. I bet KStew breathed a sigh of relief in reading this article—flattered really.

K: "This whole situation makes me giggle!"

The second line about being allergic to vagina? I’m going to go with the fact that he’s referring to normal/average poon, and if everything else about KStew is badass and super human… well… you get where I’m going, no?

See how easy it was to tackle that without ever actually saying Kristen Stewart’s vagina? WHOOPS! [Anonybitch is fucking DYING right now. Stay alive baby, it’ll be okay. Breathe deep.]

Now that I mentioned that, let’s talk Valentine’s Day. I’m not a huge fan of this day, but I’ll get to that on my actual post for V-Day. I have a boyfriend. He’s been around since I was 13, dating since I was 18. It’s cute. It’s gay. It makes me want to barf. And I’m starting to hate him. Once again, I’ll go to that tomorrow. But—I wanted to let you know that I have an objectively biased lens [huuuuuhhhh? That makes no sense! EXACTLY.]

This is an example of my lens. THIS IS HOT.

So, what do I think KStew and RPattz are doing today?

Well… this:

LA

London

But in my HEAD they are doing this:

She's throwing us daggers

And this:

They're that close because it's loud, right? And the way she's looking at him... girls always look at boys like that, right?

And this:

K: "Rob, when you said you'd take me for a ride I didn't foresee this..."

R: "K, I hate plural vaginas. Relax."

And this [but without the gay fucking clothes… I mean that figuratively and possibly literally]:

K: "Ew, the veins are popping out of your head."

R: "You're straddling my lap. This takes focus."

What she is NOT doing are these boys [I’ll address this at a later time my Kstewloyalists]:

I think the bitchface says it all.

Truthfully I don’t give a fuck what they’re doing and I don’t really have a vested interest in their love lives. It’s fun to speculate and stuff and I hope they are dating because their lives are a living hell, and they are under a microscope like no other so they can relate to one another. None of the other actors in that franchise can relate to the scrutiny and those who can want the attention [any names come to mind?].

Kristen Stewart doesn’t strike me as the kind of person who relies on another human being to get by. She seems fiercely independent and she isn’t pitiful like some say. ‘Oh she went to New Years to see him in England, he should’ve gone to her.’ Uh, shut up. Where they were was peaceful and pretty and maybe she wanted to get away from all the LA bullshit.

Wow LA looks like so much fun for her.

I don’t like Kristen Stewart because she dates Robert Pattinson. I like Kristen Stewart because she doesn’t run around screaming I’M DATING ROBERT PATTINSON. She was more than willing to talk about her last relationship and when it ended that was ALL people wanted to talk about. It was not funny. Breaking up SUCKS and all you want to do is cry about it--regardless. Am I envious of her? FUCK YES. [re: fingers!] But is that her saving grace? Fuck no. He’s a lucky bastard to be dating her holiness the Stew. He knows it.

Fuck, we all know it.

My Valentine’s Day wish for KStew is that she’s happy and healthy and rested, and that RPattz at LEAST remembered to send her a card or flowers or maybe something a little nicer since they made shittons of money together. [Share the wealth MFH.]

Rob you started with a guitar? You're fucked. Standards are high.

Because Kristen actually HAS RPattz’s number and could send him texts that say ‘we both know my ass is better than that whore's on the cover of Details,’ KStew is waaaaay better than you.

PS- Do you see that pic? Do you SEE it!? I'm pretty sure our girl's needs are tended to.

PSS- I will be addressing the Haiti clubbing thing later next week, fret not!

[A/N: We will continue tomorrow as scheduled for why KStew really IS better than us sans RPattz. Today was for fun. Today was because I wanted to make you laugh. Valentine’s Day sucks for a lot of people, and if you are one of them allow me to tell you this:

I FUCKING LOVE YOU! So fuck everyone else.]

{all the beautiful pix of KStew are from http://www.kstewartfan.org/ and the beautiful Details shots are from Delaney84 [check her out on twatter!] }