Elizabeth Barrett Browning was onto Something.

There has been a lot of KStew hate recently and I just can't take it any more. I want to invite the haters to read and consider... and if that doesn't make your cold hearts beat a little for KStew then I invite you to find the closest cliff and help yourself. This is a safe place for us KStew lovers to commemorate and hold hands--maybe drink a little as well? Every day I'll provide you with a reason that KStew is better than you--because let's face it--she trumps us all. Come along for the ride:

Last year I was standing in my house with my roommates having a pillow fight in our underwear [bc that’s what 4 girls do when they live together, right?] when my cousin called me. I answered the phone and walked into my bedroom where i proceeded to begin gathering things for my journey home for Turkey Day.

Cousin: Any way, when you get home we’re going to go to the movies. You, your mom, my mom and me. Your mom says your sister won’t be home yet.

Me: Sounds good. What are we seeing?

Cousin: Twilight.

*I pause and try to hold in my laughter. I think back to when my mother says ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.’ For the first time in my life I’m not saying it at all.*


Um, excuse me... did we WATCH THE SAME FUCKING TRAILER!? This looks REDONK!

Cousin: CC? You there?

Me: That retarded movie with the boy who climbs up the tree? Honestly Cousin? We are educated individuals… well you’re a senior in high school… but I’m educated! That will rot your goddamn brain out.

Cousin: I don’t care what you say. Judge after. You’re going. The end. See you next week!

I tell my roommates about this who all laugh at me and tell me how my life is going to suck for that hour or so and how ridiculous that movie sounds. As I packed my car up to treck back home I hugged my roommates through the window of my car when one leaned in… let’s call her Douchebag [and I mean that with love]. She put her hand on my cheek and I thought we would talk about how much we’d miss each other when she said, “you are my life now.” I rolled the window up on her arm and as I drove away I gave those laughing whores the finger.

TAKE THAT BITCHES!

Fast forward 1.5 weeks and I had already seen Twilight three times and bought all four books which I read in a matter of days. Now, I did it backwards. I saw the movie and then read the books. I was not a Twilight fan before the movie and I made fun of them [confession: still do.].

But then?

Then I saw Robert Pattinson’s face. I was in love, and he looked like an idiot in the movie so THAT is devotion! I googled the shit out of him looking at various photo shoots, both good and bad, and realized one thing: I must marry this boy.

Yeah, uh, what can i say? I give good face.

I watched a shitton of videos and concluded one thing: what the fuck is wrong with Kristen Stewart? She fidgets, the picks, she stammers, she stutters, she can’t formulate a sentence! She seems ungrateful, bitter, annoyed, bothered, and too above this movie. I wrote her shit off and went back to staring at Robert Pattinson.

But then?

Then I saw this and I thought: HOLY SHITBALLS, WHEN THEY FUCK AN ANGEL WILL GET THEIR WINGS!

Yeah, whatever, we're just friends.

In the middle of my ogling my mother storms in and says to go and join the family. Happy Thanksgiving! I am part of a large, NOISY, and often times heavily intoxicated Italian family. They are all olive skinned, dark haired, brown-eyed, and hairy. I, however, am blond haired, blue-eyed, pale skinned and freckled [Thanks, dad]. See? I don’t belong so it was okay that I was in my room staring at pictures of MFH [My Future Husband aka RPattz]

I begrudgingly sat at the table and my aunt says to me: CC, now about Twilight, who was that chick that played Bella?

Me: Her name is Kristen Stewart and…

Cousin: She is so weird! Have you seen her interviews!

Mom: What is with her! Take a xanax!

Me [getting a weird feeling in my stomach]: Now hold the fuck on! Just because she isn’t about the fame she’s not as good?

Mom: CC it’s her JOB.

Me: Shut the fuck up. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Cousin: She was in Panic Room.

Uncle: Holy shit! Was she the one who looked like a little boy?

Now I will bible this when I say my nonna leaned over and hit my uncle’s hand with a ladle.

Nonna: You no talk about Kristen that way. CC likes her. [note: Nonna has lived in America for 52 years, since my mom was 5, and she refuses to speak English. On the RARE occasion she speaks broken English, you listen. Or she will ladle you.]

Take that ya idiots! I dare you to talk shit again.

Me: Grazie Nonna. Te amo.

Nonna: Cara mia, ti voglio bene.

People at the table were green with envy of our lovefest. I, however, was not surprised. Bitch please, I always knew I was her favorite.

I felt accomplished and made it my mission from that day forward to defend Kristen Stewart because she is so misunderstood. I went back to my room and googled the shit out of her (sorry MFH, I’ll get back to you) and realized I loved her more than I thought—in fact she was The Queen of Badass. You might ask, but why CC?

This is a total Elizabeth Barrett Browning moment, except I want to change the how to why.

Why do I love thee Kristen Stewart? Let me count the ways.

1. Your style. It’s unapologetic and it’s a breath of fresh air. At a time where people young people are dressing like they are 30, you dress your age and you take risks that no one else would or even more so could PULL OFF! You have these legs that go on for miles and you may be thin, but we know that you eat because we have pics of you sharing a certain junk food with your man friend RPattz. You look so fucking good when dressed up or dressed down. I want your closet: STAT.

Rob: Nothing to see here folks *drapes Volturi cloak over her*

2. You stutter. Not so much any more, but back in the glory days of Twilight press you would stutter and stammer and fidget and rock back and forth and that’s what made me hate you but ultimately made me LOVE YOU! You actually think about what you say as opposed to saying the most ridiculous and ignorant things that pop into your head like some of your peers. You are an intellect and a lot of people, myself included, appreciate the shit out of that.

3. You cut your hair. It was the biggest FUCK YOU to Twilight I had ever witnessed and I ATE. THAT. SHIT. UP. The Bella hair, your hair was the Bella hair, and Twihards around the world gasped and shouted when they saw you walk out like this:

Et tu, Kristen?

Twihards blew up the boards and ALL the crazies were out. What will happen now? Will her wig be as shiteous as Rosalie’s? Will it grow back in time for Eclipse? What will Robert Pattinson think of this? Will KStew be fired? The world stood still for a moment when she walked out, and Twihards ran to their Twilight Movie Companion and longed for the days when Kristen Stewart emulated Bella Swan. You know what I did? I stood up and clapped. GOOD FOR YOU! You cut those beautiful locks and get that black mullet because that IS Joan Jett hair and in this universe Joan Jett>>>>>>Isabella Swan. Fuck the twihards. You do you Kristen.

4. You got to do this:

K: "I think you have something in your golden hair...."

And this:

Did the world stop rotating on this day? Has it been proven yet?

And in real life you get to do this:

Nick: "Ok listen this hand holding shit needs to stop. Kristen, you can hold his wrist ONLY."

and this:

Kristen finally got that much needed walk.

5.You just don’t give a shit. Allow me to tell you a story. Back in my glory days of High School I was known to smoke a little. One day one of my friends approached me and said “CC, don’t you think you smoke too much? I’m afraid you’ll become slothful.” I looked to her and said, “It’s a good thing you don’t get paid to think, and the day I become slothful I’ll look to you to tell me. Deal?” She retorted, "But ppl get the wrong idea about those who smoke. Don't you care what people think about you?" I didn't even need to think before i retorted, "Uh... no." She never opened her dumb mouth again. There are worse things you can do in life than smoke an herb that makes you hungry and causes laughter--trust. [Note: I am not promoting the use of drugs. This is more about her unwillingness to conform. Drugs are illegal. I understand. Good.]

Kristen Stewart isn’t a cookie cutter. She hated school. She has authority issues. She doesn’t like interviews. She’s heinously private. She likes to drink. And at the end of the day, when all is said and done, if she wants to go out on her stoop and do this:

Gotta be smokin' something to be dating this fool.

...she will. And those are the reasons why, for today, KStew is INFINITELY better than you.